Undisclosed Desires
by idarose
Summary: I was in Heaven. Or Hell. I could smell her arousal mixing with the sweet scent of her blood, and it made me wild. Unhinged. She was mine, not Edward's, MINE.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The sigh seemed to fall involuntarily from my lips. Is it possible for a vampire to actually die from boredom? I enjoyed working as a doctor immensely, but it was days like this that made my eternity seem that much longer.  
Though I abhorred people getting hurt, a small voice in the back of my mind, my less charitable inner self, was begging for something, _anything,_ to happen. Nothing ever did in this small and impossibly rainy town of Forks. I knew I only had myself to blame for my seemingly perpetual state of mind-numbing boredom. I suppose I could have had the family moved to a less dull town in America, but for the purpose of staying undetectable and unnoticeable it was rather perfect, the thick cover of clouds a huge advantage since it meant we didn't have to stay inside all day in an effort to avoid the sunshine.

The need to not raise awareness of my family and I far outweighed any concerns I had about being subjected to this kind of tedium day after day.  
The thought of my family brought a small smile to my face. I supposed something new _had_ happened recently. Edward, after nearly a hundred years alone, had finally found his mate. Isabella Swan – a beautiful name.  
I had yet to meet her, but from what I had heard from the others, it probably wouldn't be too long until I did – she was apparently a rather clumsy girl, often hurting herself doing even the slightest of movements. If that was true, it was a small miracle that she hadn't been to visit the ER yet.  
She didn't know _what_ we were, but according to Alice she would soon. She was getting suspicious.

She seemed far more observant than others her age, and had started to notice that there were numerous things about my family that were different. There was, of course, also the small detail that she was Edward's la tua cantante, and that he had tried to kill her the first time he had met her. Even though he hadn't succeeded, the murderous expression on his face was surely not something a person, especially not one who was as perceptive as Bella was rumored to be, could miss.

After the unfortunate incident I had immediately sent him off to visit our Alaskan cousins in Denali, and he had spent his time there thinking about what the best course of action would be. There had been two options, as far as I could tell; either he leaves Forks, and Isabella, for good and we come up with an excuse for his permanent absence, or he continues living here, battling his instincts.

Since her mind was silent to him – wonders never cease – he leaned towards the second option, and I had agreed with him. I believed him strong enough, especially with the help of the others, to fight the inner demon that told him to rip her to pieces and drink her blood. And so, he came back home, controlled his bloodlust, and tried to get to know her. That wasn't necessarily something I had wanted to happen, it could prove detrimental to her life after all, and when I had found out I had taken him aside and questioned the wisdom of decision thoroughly, reminding him that very few singers had ever survived an encounter with the vampire to whom their blood sang. But I had been swayed by his argument that he was less likely to attack her if he liked her, and when Alice jumped into the fray and assured me that everything was going to turn out the way it was supposed to be, I gave him my permission to continue.

A loud noise from the hallway, an orderly dropping a tray it sounded like, pulled me out of my deep thoughts. With another sigh, I looked at the clock and saw, to my immense surprise and gratefulness, that the agonizingly slow day was finally coming to an end.

I finished the paperwork I was working on, gathering the rest in my briefcase to take home with me and put on my raincoat. I didn't strictly need it – the rain and the cold couldn't hurt me – but I had to wear it so as to not stand out any more than I already did.  
The overly pale skin and otherworldly beauty of my family and I tended to be noticed almost immediately, no matter how much we tried to blend in. It didn't help that Alice, and to some degree Rosalie and Edward, refused to buy anything other than the best quality of everything – be it clothes or cars. I myself wasn't entirely blameless in this matter; I did drive a new, sleek Mercedes, and though it didn't stand out as much as Edward's Vanquish or Rosalie's cherry red BMW, it was still highly noticeable, especially in a town as small and rural as Forks, where everyone seemed to be driving some form of truck. Edward's Volvo wasn't quite as eye-catching as their other cars, but it was still slick and glossy, something other cars in this town weren't.  
All these things taken into consideration, it was bound to happen that someone would figure out that we were different. That that someone would turn out to be Isabella was a blessing, since she seemed to make Edward happy, something he hadn't been in a long time.

Deep in thoughts, I had somehow made my way out of the hospital and driven back home without paying attention, something that would have been dangerous if I had been human. Alas, I was not, and so the wet and slippery roads weren't a hazard.

Esme, my beautiful and loving wife, met me at the door to the garage and welcomed me home with a kiss to the cheek, and I squeezed her hand in greeting. I could hear Jasper and Emmett arguing about something, most likely a videogame or something equally trivial, in the living room. It was a daily occurrence and one that often ended with broken furniture and Esme scolding them.

Rosalie was at the other end of the garage tinkering away at yet another car, and Alice was sitting in the sofa with an iPad in her hand; knowing her she was probably buying new clothes. Again.

Edward, my first son, and indeed the first vampire I ever changed, was sitting at his piano playing a tune I hadn't heard before. He looked up, raising an eyebrow at my thoughts, but didn't stop the movement of his fingers on the keys.

 _"_ _That is lovely, son, I haven't heard it before, is it a new composition?"_ I asked him, not bothering to say it out loud.

"Bella's lullaby," he answered simply, a contended smile stretching across his handsome face.

Though we were all happy to a certain degree, we still felt the strain of our infinity from time to time. Jasper in particular, since he didn't only have his own frustrations to deal with, but had to live with those of the entire family. It was times like these that made me glad that I didn't have _that_ particular gift, though I supposed it could be useful, especially in my line of work. However, I didn't think I would be able to stand feeling everything my patients were feeling; the pain and the suffering.

Or like Edward hear their every agony-filled thought, or, like Alice, see the inevitability of their death before it had even occurred, knowing there was nothing I could do to save them. Aro had always thought of my control of my bloodlust as a gift, and I knew many of my kind agreed, but I had never seen it quite that way. Hard work and a strong will, more likely, but that was not something he would find interesting, and my continued survival, and that of my family, hinged on us being a novelty to him.

"Are you alright, Carlisle?" Jasper asked from his place in front of the game he and Emmett were playing, "you feel a little restless."

I sighed inwardly at the lack of privacy, but sent him some of my happiness at finally being home again.

It seemed to mollify him.

I didn't wish to blacken the, for once, light atmosphere with my rather dark frame of mind. They deserved their happiness. Edward especially.

He had, of course, heard everything I had been thinking, but it didn't seem to dampen his happiness in the slightest.  
It had been some time since Edward had been this cheerful, I mused. It must be Isabella.

"Bella," Edward interrupted my thoughts, "she likes to be called Bella. And you're right, it _is_ her."

At the sight of his smile, my own spirit seemed to lighten considerably.

"I'm very happy for you, son." I told him with a smile. We could all hear Rosalie hiss in derision as she threw down what sounded like a wrench on the floor and made her way into the house.

"I can't believe you're okay with this, Carlisle. That girl is going to figure out what we are, it's only a matter of time. Do you want the Volturi to come after us?" She came to a stop in the middle of the living room, an angry grimace marring her beautiful face as she looked directly at me. "We should leave. Now! Or kill her, either will do."

"No one is going to be killing anyone." When she continued to look at me defiantly, I continued. "And that's an order, Rose."

She nodded her head grudgingly at my words.

"Of course nobody is going to kill Bella." Alice interjected while rolling her eyes. "However, I think Rosalie is correct." Alice was interrupted by the low growl coming from Edward.

"Edward! Don't growl at your sister." Esme admonished.

"But mom," he pouted, "she wants us to leave."

A horrified gasp left Esme who looked absolutely dismayed at the notion of Edward leaving us.

"Only Edward," Alice defended, pausing before she continued, "the rest of us should definitely stay."

"Will Isabella be hurt if he stays?" I asked, concerned for the happiness of my wife if it was decided that Edward should leave.

"No, she won't, as you well know, Alice!" he said scathingly, an angry look on his face.

"Is that true, Alice? She won't get hurt?" I asked, concern in my voice. If there was any reason to believe she was in danger, I wouldn't hesitate to have him removed from the vicinity.

"Well, no, she won't, but…"

"You see! Nothing will happen to her." Edward cut her off, looking decidedly smug.

"Hmm. If Edward doesn't hurt her, I don't see the reason why he has to leave, Alice." I said slowly, sitting down on the sofa. She was obviously worried about something.

Still thinking heavily, I turned my eyes to the coffee table in front of me and the sketch of Isabella that lay on top of it. Alice had made it a few days ago from a vision she had had of her becoming one of us. When Edward had seen the drawing, he had started smiling smugly.  
And rightly so, she _was_ utterly beautiful.

Her long, chocolate-colored hair falling in gentle waves down to the middle of her back, framing an exquisite face. Her eyes a bright crimson that was starting to blend with our family's signature honey-color, creating a swirl I could get lost in if I weren't careful.

I looked away from the drawing, noticing Edward looking at me through narrowed eyes, his expression alternating between suspicion and anger; he evidently didn't like the direction my thoughts had taken.

I didn't either.

I stood up quickly, not wanting to dwell on my thoughts while they weren't private, and making my way to the back door I announced to the room that I was going on a hunt.

Once I had made my way out into the woods surrounding the house, I let instincts take over and started hunting.  
Hunting always came as a relief to us. Not only did the blood nourish and replenish us, the hunting in itself let us rest our ever-working minds, allowing us to just _feel_. It was freeing, to say the least.

This was especially true for my family and I.

For a vampire speed is natural. Speed in the way we move, in the way we talk, and in the way our brains work, everything just works faster. Humans' movements are slow, and so acting like one can be a difficult and tedious undertaking, and since we had chosen to live and work amongst humans, we had to undergo that struggle every day to make sure we weren't exposed.

Once my thirst was satiated, and had I reassured myself that I was a long enough distance away from the house that Edward wouldn't be able to hear me, I got to the task of getting my thoughts into order. I didn't understand why they were so chaotic. All vampires were distinctly beautiful, a trait meant to make it easier for us to lure our prey, and I had seen more than enough in my time as one of them that this one, that Isabella, should be nothing special.

Perhaps she wasn't. As an empath, Jasper had probably been experiencing Edward's feelings of desire and longing, and had projected them onto me. Yes, that sounded plausible.

Sufficiently soothed by my rationale, I slowly began making my way back towards my home, enjoying the feeling of the setting sun on my skin, a novelty in this part of the U.S. Its warming rays had made it through the thick cover of clouds while I was deep in thought.  
When I got closer to the house I started putting up my mental guards again, for though spontaneous thoughts couldn't be kept from Edward, my 'mental guard' kept the thoughts in the back of my mind safe from his invasive gift.

I sighed heavily for what felt like the hundredth time today. The lack of privacy between us could be a trial sometimes. This was further confirmed when I opened the door to the house and was met by a distrustful glare from Edward. I immediately thought of the key points of the conclusion I had come to during my hunt, and to my immense relief he seemed to be somewhat appeased by the logic in the explanation.  
If I did not entirely believe in it myself, I made sure he wouldn't know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The days seemed to blend together after that, and before I knew it snow was in the air and winter was upon us. My unkind, selfish inner voice, the one I tried so hard to eradicate but never quite seemed to manage, told me I should feel happy that the cold season was approaching so rapidly. It meant ice on the roads and the sidewalks, which in turn meant more work in the ER, and less time for me to spend in endless, unfathomable boredom.  
Selfish? Yes.

True? Also yes.

I was pulled out of my uncharitable musings when I heard the unmistakable voice of Edward coming from the entrance of the small hospital.

 _"_ _Edward? What are you doing here? Has something happened?"_ I asked apprehensively in my head, as I waited for him to come to my office. Why was he here at the hospital, around all these bleeding humans? Though well-adjusted to the smell of blood, the children and Esme tended to avoid places where it was flowing freely.  
I heard him tell someone, a female if the irritated huff was something to go on, that he would go find me to check her for injuries, and a lovely, albeit exasperated, voice answered that it truly wasn't necessary, that she felt completely fine, and that she just wanted to go home.

Ah, that explained his presence at the hospital. The voice undoubtedly belonged to Isabella.

She still hadn't hurt herself enough to warrant a trip to the hospital, so it was probably long overdue, I thought amusedly to myself. I could also not think of any other human who Edward would care enough about to accompany to the hospital, a place he normally didn't go.

I heard the distinct sound of Edward's footfalls making their way down the hall towards my office, so the poor girl must have given up on trying to compel him to let her leave.

Edward came into the room without knocking, not that he really needed to, since I had heard him perfectly well, however, it would have been appreciated to help keep up appearances. All thoughts of proper knocking-etiquette fled my mind when I saw the strained expression on his face.

"Carlisle. I need you to go check that Bella is alright. I don't think she's seriously injured, but she hit her head on the asphalt. Hard."

"Tell me what happened." I requested, a concerned frown appearing on my face.

"There was an accident in the parking lot. One of the other students was driving too fast and lost control of his vehicle because of the ice. I couldn't let the van hit her. I had to stop it!"

"You stopped a speeding car from hitting her? Did anyone see you, Edward? Do we need to move?" I asked, suddenly worried. We had all acclimated well to the rainy town. We were happy here. Esme had her local charities, the children had their school, and although it _was_ exceedingly dull, the area was ideal for hiding in plain sight.

"Bella did," he interrupted my thoughts, a guilty look crossing his features, "but I did some damage control. I convinced her that she was only seeing things because of the blow to her head."

The slightly menacing look on his face as he said it didn't sit quite right with me, but I quickly laid that thought to rest before he had a chance to read it.

"Are you absolutely certain that no one else saw you, Edward?"

He was beginning to look slightly unhinged, and I started to worry, the crease between my eyebrows deepening.

He didn't respond, merely raised an eyebrow as if challenging me to keep questioning him, and I could feel the stirrings of anger coursing through me.

We were interrupted by the arrival of a nurse who came to usher me to the single bed room in which Isabella had been placed. Sensing the tension in the office and noticing the vicious glint in Edward's eyes, she excused herself as quickly as possible, taking off in a hurried walk to get away from us.

I fixed Edward with a withering look before I strode out into the hallway, leaving him behind. Walking towards Isabella's hospital room, I could see Edward, who had caught up to me more quickly than I would have liked, become more and more crazed, earning a few startled glances from the people around us. I didn't understand what caused his lapse in control over the vampiric part of him until we were a couple of meters away from the door. I took a deep breath and could only smell one person.  
One person who smelt better than anyone I had ever met.  
One person who clearly had an open wound somewhere on her body.

 _"_ _Edward! You didn't tell me she was bleeding!"_

He looked distinctly sour at my reproachful thoughts, but simply shrugged halfheartedly in reply, doing nothing to ease the doubts in my mind.

"I'm in control!" he asserted rather loudly, his voice gruff and guttural, and I had to physically hold him back from entering her room. He could not be allowed anywhere near her while he wasn't in complete control of his bloodlust. In the back of my mind I prayed that no one was around to witness the animalistic altercation between us.

 _"_ _You're not. Go back to school, or go home. Go hunt if you need to, just leave!"_

His eyes, completely black by now, glared at me with unrestrained animosity and resentment.

"NOW!"  
That was a command he couldn't ignore; I was the leader of his coven after all. He threw me another enraged glower, angrily turned his back to me and stormed out of the hospital.

Commands were not something I had to resort to use very often. Though they were commonly employed by the coven leaders of our kind, I greatly objected to the practice since I felt that it took away free choice. But sometimes there was just no other alternative. The few times I had used it it had been to control Jasper, the newest to our diet, when he stumbled upon a human he couldn't resist. He was the one who had the hardest time adjusting to our way of life. Not that I blamed him. It was remarkable he could even do it, with what he had gone through while a part of Maria's army.

I admired his strength and fortitude greatly.

Edward did not.

Though it pained me exceedingly to think badly of my first son, I was not blind to his faults. His gift had made him arrogant, something that was not helped by the fact that he was changed much too soon, though, of course, it couldn't have been helped. He had the mindset of a teenager and he always would, no matter how old he really was. He thought that because he had seen in Jasper's mind what he had gone through that he understood. He had the audacity to compare his own meager ten years of rebelling against our lifestyle, to the countless years Jasper had lived in the hell that was the Southern Vampire Wars. Thank God Peter and Charlotte had helped him escape. And that Alice had seen him and brought him to us.

I took a deep breath to shake off my heavy thoughts and my throat hurt from the appetizing smell of Isabella's blood, wafting tantalizingly through the, thankfully, deserted hallway. I closed my eyes, enjoying the taste of it on the back of my tongue, imagining what it would feel like to have it slide down my throat.

My phone beeping quietly from the pocket of my pants, thankfully shocked me my out of my slight daze, and I looked down at the screen. Humans were truly ingenious when it came to technology.

 ** _No one saw, or heard, Edwards little meltdown. Emmett and Jasper have him, and they've gone hunting. Now, go take care of Bella!_**

Relieved there had been no witnesses, I knocked on the door to Isabella's room.

"Come in." The lovely voice from earlier announced from the other side, and I opened the door and walked in.

If I had thought she smelled good from behind a closed door, it was nothing compared to how magnificent she smelled when we were in the same room, the open wound having saturated the small space with the scent of her blood.

My throat felt parched, and I longed to sink my teeth into her skin and drink the essence flowing through her veins. My eyes darkened in response, and I walked toward her unconsciously. Realizing what I was doing, I stopped breathing and tried to clear my head. To my shame, it took an immense effort, more than I had had to utilize in _centuries_. Purposely, I relaxed my shoulders, trying to appear non-threatening. The faster her heart pumped, the more her scent would permeate the space between us.

I took a small breath through my nose and managed to swallow down the venom that had filled my mouth.

 _My God_ , _her blood smelled heavenly_.

Then I finally looked up, and our eyes met.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was instantaneous.

The connection.

The love.

 _The lust._

I felt my eyes darken again, but this time it wasn't because I was lusting after her blood. This time I was lusting after her body. And she was lusting after mine too, I could tell.

I was in Heaven. Or Hell. I could smell her arousal mixing with the sweet scent of her blood, and it made me wild.  
Unhinged.  
She was mine, not Edward's. MINE!

 _MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!_

The time I stood staring at her simultaneously felt like an eternity and a fraction of a second, too long and not even close to long enough. My love for Esme, though substantial, was nothing compared to the all-encompassing devotion I felt for the human girl sitting on the hospital bed in front of me. She was _everything._

My inner self was screaming at me to take her, to bite her, to mark her as mine for everyone to see. I yearned to bury myself deep inside her, to feel her tight heat wrapped around me as I gave her unimaginable pleasure and took my own in return.  
But I couldn't. Not yet.  
We were at the hospital. She was hurt. I had to take care of my Isabella. The fog lifted a little and I was once again able to think clearly. I blinked, only a few seconds had passed while I succumbed to my inner demon. I quickly looked my mate over, scanning for injuries. The delicious smell of her blood seemed to come from the back of her scalp, the place where her head had hit the asphalt.

Setting my face in a mask of professional affability I started walking towards her. I grabbed her chart left by a nurse on the table next to the door, and held it in front of me, attempting to make sure that she didn't see the very obvious effect she had on my body.

"Hello. I'm Dr. Cullen," I introduced myself, straining to keep the arousal I was feeling out of my voice, "and you must be Isabella."

She merely nodded, her eyes wide as she took in my appearance. For the first time in my life, I was truly grateful for the other-worldly beauty my kind possessed.

I was almost in directly in front of her when I spotted a discarded neck-brace under the bed. I bent down and picked it up, giving Isabella a questioning glance, trying not to laugh out loud at her obvious annoyance at my discovery.

"There is nothing wrong with my neck." She answered my unasked question, exasperation clear in her voice.  
"Let me be the judge of that." I said, giving her a small wink. She blushed fiercely and looked down at her feet.  
 _I made her blush_ , my inner voice boasted. It made me ridiculously proud.

"Now, my son Edward told me that you hit your head pretty hard on the ground?" I asked while I went to stand behind her to examine the wound.

"It wasn't _that_ hard." she responded heatedly. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You're bleeding." I told her and showed her one of my gloved hands, now smeared with her blood. The second she saw the red substance covering my fingers her face turned a deadly shade of white.

"Isabella? What's wrong?" I immediately moved to stand in front of her, leaning down and checking her vision for any tell-tale signs of concussion, worried that she might actually had been injured worse by the fall than I thought.

"Blood makes me nauseous." She announced in an unsteady voice, closing her eyes and leaning into the grip I had on her shoulders.

Relief flooded through me and I almost laughed out loud at the irony, but managed to hide my amusement behind a cough. I am sure she saw through it, though, if the weak glare she gave me through her barely open eyes was any indication. She was truly enchanting.

After making sure she wasn't going to faint right in front of me and ensuring there were no leftover fragments of asphalt imbedded in her scalp, I stemmed the flow of blood with gauze. "Okay, Isabella, the wound itself isn't actually too bad, you don't need any stitches, something I'm sure you're very happy about," I smiled when I saw her perk up at that, "but, I'm afraid I still want to do an X-ray to determine the severity of the injury to your skull."

Her face visibly fell at that, and I almost wanted to take it back if it meant she would smile at me like she had just a few moments ago. I shook my head slightly at my own folly and went to the table by the door to fill out her chart, throwing the soiled gloves in the trash can on my way.

"All right, let's just get this over with." She sighed irritably, jumping down from the bed and instantly stumbling. It felt as if the world stood still as I watched her getting closer and closer to the floor. With no thought for the consequences I raced across the room and caught her in my arms before she could fall in a heap onto the hard linoleum. Her heart raced in her chest as I stood cradling her to my body, and in that moment I didn't care in the slightest about what people would think if they walked in and saw us in such a compromising position. All I could think about was how she felt against me, how her soft body molded itself to fit mine perfectly, how her sweet, sweet scent permeated the small amount of air between us, made all the stronger by the air leaving her lungs in sharp gasps as she stared up at me. I saw her pupils dilating in equal measures of fright at her narrow escape and pleasure at my nearness, and it took every ounce of self-control I had built up over the years not to close the few inches between us and claim her lips with my own. To make her _mine_.

"Where is my daughter? In there?" The agitated voice of Chief Swan cut through my lustful thoughts, and I quickly distanced myself from his daughter, desperately trying to calm down my straining erection her closeness had brought. Only seconds later her father opened the door, strode in and looked Isabella up and down, trying to gauge how hurt she was.

I had always liked Charlie Swan very much. He was quiet and introspective, and had always been very welcoming and gracious towards my family, a rarity in a small town such as this where most people usually assumed we are going to be trouble and either carefully avoid us or look at us sideways. Even more so when they find out that our children are from foster care and therefore expect them to misbehave. Sometimes it made me furious, but the anger was something I worked hard to keep from the others. They didn't need to know how much other people's narrowmindedness and suspicion bothered me.

Charlie Swan, though, had never once seemed prejudiced against us and had always treated us with respect and kindness.

"Chief Swan, nice to see you again, I only wish the circumstances were better." I broke the silence, ending his scrutiny of Isabella who looked immensely relieved when he switched his focus to me instead.

"Dr. Cullen, how many times must I tell you to call me Charlie?" He said, shaking my hand and clapping me on the shoulder. The coldness of my skin never seemed to bother him as it usually did with other people.

"As many times as I must tell you to call me Carlisle, apparently."

"Touché, doc." He snorted and looked at Bella. "So, what's the diagnosis? Is my daughter alright?"

"Dad, I'm fine!" Bella sighed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes. "Absolutely nothing is wrong with me, but they won't let me leave!"

Charlie looked at me questioningly, wanting to have the words confirmed by me.

"She got a nasty bump on the head and I want to take her for an X-ray, but I expect she's going to be perfectly all right. In fact, we were about to go get them when you came in. If you go wait in the visitor's lounge we will be back as soon as it is done."

"Sure thing. Come get me when you're finished, Bells." He said, and with a final smile at his daughter and me he walked out the door, closing it behind him. We were alone again.  
I cleared my throat unnecessarily, trying to break the thick tension in the room.

"So, can we go get that damn X-ray over with?" She sulked, her lips pouted prettily, and I wanted nothing more than to taste them. To see if they were as soft as they looked.

"Yes, of course. Stay here, I'll be gone for just a moment." She looked at me in bewilderment when I opened the door and walked away, leaving her standing inside.

I hurriedly found the nearest unoccupied wheelchair and brought it back to her room. She looked up at me with a smile when I walked through the door again, but then she saw what I was wheeling behind me and an appalled gasp left her, her hand covering her mouth in horror.

"No…"

"It's either this," I pointed down to the chair, "or the hospital bed." That wasn't strictly true, I would offer to carry her in my arms if I thought she would say yes.

She looked at the small wheels on the bed with an utterly horrified expression.

"You wouldn't."

I didn't answer, just raised a single eyebrow in challenge.

"I refuse to be carted around like an invalid in that bed!"

"And that's exactly why I brought the chair. Since I will not let you walk and you will not use the bed, I believe this is an appropriate compromise."

"Oh God… fine, whatever." She sighed, narrowing her eyes at me. "What is it with people today? First Charlie, now you."

She sat down in the wheelchair and looked up at me with an accusing stare.

"Your father cares a great deal about you."

She was silent for a moment, letting my words sink in, her irritation disappearing.

"I know, I know. I guess I'm just not used to all this fuss. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she's sort of… flighty? And I do get hurt a lot, so she's gotten used to it. My dad hasn't, though." She snorted quietly. "Not yet, at least."

I chuckled softly, and she turned around in her seat to look up at me, her eyes shining with amusement.

She turned around again, a small smile gracing her lips.

"It _is_ kind of nice, though, to know that he cares that much about me."

My heart throbbed painfully at the implied meaning that she hadn't known that before.

…

"This is absolutely ridiculous!" Isabella declared a few minutes later, completely mortified by the attention we were garnering from the people we passed on our way down to radiology.

In that moment we went past a group of nurses who all stopped what they were doing to stare at us. Or me, rather. Over the years, I had become accustomed to the intense scrutiny bestowed upon my person, but I once again cursed the natural vampire appeal since I could tell how uncomfortable the added attention was making Isabella.

"If it makes you feel any better, they aren't staring at you." I leaned down and whispered in her ear, making her jump slightly.

"I'm aware of that." She turned her head and looked directly at me. "Does this happen often? Oh, who am I kidding, of course it does, I mean, look at you." She waved her hands up and down as if to make her point. Then she froze, realizing what she had said, her face becoming beet red and she quickly looked down at her lap, trying to hide her embarrassment.

 _She thinks I'm handsome,_ my heart soared in my chest at her words, and I wanted nothing more than to show her just how _exquisite_ I thought she was.

"Oh Jesus, I can't believe I just said that. I don't really know why I'm oversharing so much today, normally I'm not very talkative. Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought I did." She covered her burning cheeks with her small hands, trying to cool them down.

"Well, then it's a good thing that we're taking these X-rays." I answered, trying not to make my amusement too obvious as we came to a stop in front of the shielded room, knocking on the door to alert the X-ray technician to our presence.

I left her with the technician and went to the protective room to wait for the results, listening to everything that was going on next door. Listening to her every movement, her every breath, anything that would get me through to the moment I would see her again. The few minutes it took were torturously slow. I examined the results as they came in, and, as expected, I didn't find anything particularly worrisome, something that almost made me feel sad, since it would mean that she would be going home soon. That she would leave me.

I couldn't stand the thought.

I allowed her to walk back this time, but she seemed somewhat unsteady on her feet, stumbling every so often, and I convinced her to lean against my arm. Whether the unsteadiness was caused by the injury to her head, or if it was just her natural ability to fall over seemingly nothing, I wasn't sure. Knowing her, I suspected it was the latter.

All thoughts of her clumsiness flew from my mind when I felt her warm, curvaceous body pressed against my side. The touch of the bare skin of her warm hand against my cold fingers made my body feel like it was on fire. Every single nerve ending was burning. But it didn't hurt like the change had. No, this was an entirely new sensation.

It felt like completion. Like _love_.

We were halfway back to her room when I was drawn out of my inner musings by Isabella's hesitant voice.

"Umm… Dr. Cullen, where is E-Edward? I-I wanted to speak with him about something." She stammered, a blush creeping up her face.

And just like that cold, hard reality came crushing down.

The tone of her voice when she was speaking about Edward was unmistakable.  
Adoration. Awe.

Love.  
My dead heart squeezed painfully in my chest and my eyes stung with unshed tears. If I were able, I would have been bawling my eyes out. _They barely know each other, and she already loves him_.

Though, to be fair, I had only known Isabella, _my Isabella_ , for – I looked down at my watch – a little over 30 minutes, and I already loved her with all my heart.

I desperately wanted to be alone, but I also knew that I couldn't stand for her to leave. I would gratefully take any time with her that I could, because despite what I may want, so very desperately, Isabella would never be mine.

I couldn't lay a claim on her, it wouldn't be fair.  
Edward had no one, and I already had Esme. My beautiful, loving, wonderful Esme. I couldn't do that to either one of them. It would be utterly, utterly selfish.

"He went home with Emmett and Jasper." I answered her question with a half-truth. He _was_ with Emmett and Jasper, but they definitely weren't at home.

"I'm sure he would like to talk to you too." I continued quietly. It was killing me, having to speak those words. And if they came out just a touch bitter, I couldn't really help it.

I was mourning our imagined life together. Mourning every shared experience, every passionate touch, every whispered word of love.  
Mourning everything that would never come to be.

My phone beeped, pulling me out of my self-induced misery. Alice.

 ** _You're making a mistake, Carlisle._**

I ignored her for now.

Isabella's father was waiting.

…

After Isabella and Chief Swan had left to go home, I went back to my office. I wasn't surprised when I saw Alice waiting for me with an impatient look on her face, and a sudden anger surged through me.

"You knew, didn't you?" I accused. "You knew who she was to me, and you didn't tell me!" All my frustrations came to the surface and for once in my life I let it rule me, hoping that it would numb the pain even a little. It didn't. My voice became steadily louder until I was close to yelling at her. I knew it wasn't Alice's fault, but my heart hurt – _everything_ hurt, and I couldn't seem to muster the energy to think straight.

"Of course I knew, Carlisle. I have always known." Her tone was gentle, and I breathed in deeply, trying to control my emotions when I smelled Isabella, _my mate_ , on my clothes.

"I must say, I think you're making a very big mistake by choosing to ignore the bond between you."

I suddenly felt bone weary, and I sat down heavily in the chair behind my desk, my head in my hands.

"Tell me this, Alice, would Edward and Esme be hurt if I chose to pursue her?"

She was silent for a long while, but finally gave me the answer I knew was coming.

"…Yes."

I felt my resolve hardening further.

"Then there is nothing left to discuss." I said, looking at her with determination in my face.

"I can see that you're determined to be miserable." She regarded me with a resigned expression, shaking her head lightly from side to side. Then she turned her back to me and left to go find Jasper.

When I was finally alone I couldn't stop the soft whimper from leaving my mouth, echoing in the empty room.

 _Stop it, Carlisle!_ I scolded myself internally. _You chose this._

I pulled myself together, gathered my paperwork and my raincoat, and left to go home.

My wife was waiting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

In the weeks following the incident at the hospital, Alice and I took to hunting together, just the two of us, so that she could tell me about everything that was happening in Isabella's life. At home whilst in the company of my wife and other children, it wouldn't do to be seen to care _too_ much about her. Edward especially, with his mind-reading abilities, already seemed to be suspicious of the amount of time I spent thinking about her.  
I tried to keep the thoughts of her out of my head when at home, and only contemplate the situation when Edward wasn't there, but it was an almost herculean task and I was certain he had caught me thinking about her more than a few times already, but he had yet to say anything on the matter.

Today, for the first time in a long while, the sun had made one of its rare appearances, and my family had taken the opportunity to go on a hunting trip up near the Canadian border, planning to come back early tomorrow morning. Since I had hunted regularly these last few weeks to be alone with my thoughts, I had chosen to stay at home.  
I knew Edward desperately needed the hunt. He hadn't fed properly for a long time now, seemingly unable to leave his beloved Bella's side for long.

Not even when she was safe and sound in her own bed sleeping.

When I had found out that he, without her knowledge and _consent_ , had been sneaking in at night through her window to watch her sleep, I had been beyond angry. Esme had thought it was romantic and continued to make excuses for him, but I, and Alice – who had been the one to tell me about it in the first place – were deeply concerned.  
I had tried dissuading him from doing it, but he didn't seem willing to listen to reason. After a while I had to concede since nothing I could say was going to make him stop, and though it made me intensely uncomfortable, I trusted that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her, and so hadn't pushed the issue further. If I had been more adamant, it would only have made him more suspicious of me, something I couldn't afford, and if he delved too deep into my mind I knew he would find out that I cared for Isabella more than I ought.  
I knew Alice disagreed with my decision to ignore the mating bond and wanted me to tell Edward to stay away from Isabella. But I knew that no matter how much I wanted her, no matter how much I _loved_ her, that I couldn't make her mine. Because Isabella was infatuated with Edward and he was deeply fascinated with her. If he didn't love her already he would soon, of that I was certain.

And I was happy for them, truly I was. Edward was a good boy, and with Isabella's maturity he may even grow to eventually become a good man.  
But it still hurt. It hurt hearing him talk about her with adoration in his voice, the rare times he wasn't with her. It hurt knowing that he was getting to know her, while I had to make do with second-hand knowledge from Alice. It hurt knowing that Isabella was falling more and more in love with somebody else.

I did what I could to make my days a bit brighter, taking comfort in the things that used to delight me: The small thrill I felt when I was hunting, the silly antics of my children, the sweet smile on my wife's face when I kissed her.  
And if I wasn't completely happy with my life, I was close to content. I loved my children and I loved my Esme. She was my best friend in this world and I would do anything to make sure she wasn't hurt. Even if it meant denying myself. Since she joined the family she had made my long, long existence seem more bearable, joyful even, and I couldn't repay that kindness, that _gift_ , by trading her with another.  
Those thoughts had gone on and on in a continuous loop ever since I met Isabella in the hospital. Today was no different, however, since all the others were out hunting and I was alone, it meant I could brood in the comfort of my own home. So that's what I did. For hours and hours on end, I sat in the chair by the desk in my study and brooded.

It wasn't until the early hours of the evening, when the sun was setting and the last of its golden rays could be seen on the darkening sky, that my gloomy thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

"Alice? Is something wrong?"

"You need to go to Port Angeles!" The terror in her voice was remarkably clear even through the speaker.

I opened my mouth to ask what on earth she was talking about, when she interrupted me.  
"There is no time to talk now, just get in your damn car and drive, Carlisle."  
I knew better than to question her, and did what I had been told and ran to my Mercedes parked in the garage. With Alice still on the line, I started driving down the long driveway and out onto the highway in direction of the larger city, dread settling into my stomach. Earlier today, Isabella had gone to there with two of her friends to help them pick out their dresses for the upcoming ladies choice dance at the high school. Isabella herself wasn't going to take part in the festivities. Something about 'dancing being out of her range of abilities' as Alice had informed me on one of our hunts. A shame, I thought, but with her inability to walk anywhere without falling over her own two feet, I could see how dancing could be detrimental to her physical well-being. The thought that _she_ might be the reason I was speeding down the highway was too terrifying to consider.

"Carlisle, you need to go faster or you are not going to make it." She commanded. Her voice sounded distracted, and I knew she was searching all the possible outcomes of the future.

I turned off the headlights on the car and started driving faster.

"What is going on, Alice? Why am I going to Port Angeles?" I demanded, not able to hold back my curiosity and fear any longer.

"Bella's in danger and you need to get to her as fast as you can." She said simply and I felt my heart squeeze in horror.

"What kind of danger?" Even to myself my voice sounded strangled.

"Two humans, two _men_ , are going to…" Alice hesitated for a moment and the silence was deafening, "…attack her."

Dread and anger coursed through me, but I didn't question her further, just pushed the accelerator pedal to the floor and concentrated on the dark road in front of me.

I didn't think I had ever been so terrified in my entire life.  
 _Please, God, don't let me be too late,_ I begged in my mind over and over again.

…

Alice didn't say anything until I reached Port Angeles a short while later – I don't think I had ever pushed my Mercedes quite so hard before – but the only thing going through my mind was the image of a terrified Isabella getting assaulted by two strange men. I had to make sure she was safe.

Alice directed me to a seedy part of the city near the harbor. Even inside the car the area smelt like waste and decay. Why on Earth would Isabella go here?

"You need to park the car and go by foot, Carlisle. Hurry!"

I parked the car by the side of the road and got out not bothering to lock it after me. In that moment I didn't care the slightest if it was stolen or vandalized. I breathed in deeply and caught a faint trace of _her_ scent. Alice was talking in the phone, but I didn't want to listen to what she was saying anymore.

I hung up.

Scenting the air to make sure I was going in the right direction I started walking, looking for Isabella. I moved rapidly through the maze of crumbling warehouses, still walking but faster now, and then I heard the unmistakable sound of her voice.  
 _My mate._ I felt relief flow through me.  
But something was wrong.  
She sounded desperate, scared, and I took off at vampire speed, not really caring if anyone saw me. Only seconds later I could see her and the two men who had surrounded her.  
They were laughing.

She looked panicked.  
They had pushed her up against a wall in a dark ally and were trying to touch her, to rip the clothes off of her. One of them had a hand under her shirt, while the other held her captive against the dirty brick behind her. She tried fighting back, to get her hands free so she could hit them but one of them slapped her and they laughed again, louder this time.

I saw red.  
Before I knew what had happened, before I had even made a conscious decision to do so, I run up behind them and grabbed them both by the neck. I threw them to the ground and relished the surprise, and then _fear_ , I saw in their eyes. I was enraged.

 _How dare they touch her with their dirty hands?_

I wanted to tear them apart limp from limp. To make their last few second in this world worse than they could ever imagine, to make them feel pain they had never felt before.  
A soft whimper left _her_ and I looked away from them, they weren't important right now.  
All that mattered was the terrified woman who stood staring at me, the relief visible in her entire body. She was safe now.

Stepping over the vermin still laying on the ground, I looked her over – both with my eyes and my hands – making sure they hadn't hurt her. I would rip them into tiny little pieces if they had.  
Reassured that she was at least physically unharmed, I took her trembling form in my arms and pressed her into my body as tightly as her frail human body could handle, feeling her exhale unsteadily on my neck. As soon as I turned my back on the two men and was otherwise occupied, I heard them get up and run away. It didn't matter, I would find them again soon enough.

I slowly picked Isabella up, making sure she wasn't startled by any sudden movements, and carried her out of the alley cradled tightly to me.

 _She's safe, she's safe, she's safe._ But what if I'd been too late? Images of what would have occurred tonight if I hadn't been there in time flew through my mind, and my whole body started shaking with anger.

"Are you alright, Dr. Cullen?" She lifted her head from my chest when I made a strangled noise – something between a laugh and a sound of disbelief – and studied my tightly clenched jaw closely.

"Thank you," she said quietly after a while, "I don't know were doing in Port Angeles or how you knew I was in trouble, but thank you."

I could hear the implied question, but what could I say, really? That my daughter, her best friend, who happens to get visions of the future, told me that she would be in danger? That I drove more than twice the allowed speed, breaking several laws, to be here in time to save her? That the thought of what would've happened if I hadn't would haunt me for the rest of my existence?

That I was going to find _them_ later after I'd made sure she was safe at home?

No, she couldn't possibly understand any of that so I didn't respond and sent her a warm smile instead.

She went quiet for a while when she saw I wouldn't give her a more illuminating answer, a speculative look in her eyes. When she was still silent by the time we had neared my car, I thought that she had let that line of questioning go.  
I should have known better. She was nothing if not persistent.

"Does it have something to do with you being a vampire?" She asked casually, like she had asked me the time.

I immediately stopped walking, the sudden halt making her grab onto my shoulders tightly and I strengthened my grip around her to make sure I wouldn't drop her.

Isabella knew.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I felt my eyes grow wide.

"It's true, isn't it?" She asked, an almost gleeful expression on her face.

"How?" I stumbled through the word, trying to figure out how she came to figure it out by herself. It wasn't a conclusion most people came to without help. But maybe she _had_ had help. I remembered that she and her father were friendly with several people from down at the reservation. Even though the knowledge had died along with Ephraim's generation, the collective memory was long. There were legends.

"My friend Jacob Black told me the stories about the cold ones." She said, confirming my hypothesis. I was slightly surprised at that. It seemed that the on to have broken the treaty was on of the descendants of Ephraim's himself!  
"He shouldn't have told you about that."

Secrecy was key in the existence of my family and I, so that they had freely shared the legends with an outsider, even if it _was_ Isabella, was a worry.

I could feel her body temperature rising ever so slightly, and when I looked up I saw a blush creeping up her face.

At my questioning look, her blush deepened and a guilty expression started forming.

"He wouldn't have told me, so I, er, well… I sort of… flirted, to get it out of him."

Understanding dawned on me, and I found that I couldn't be angry at the disregard of the treaty anymore. The poor boy probably hadn't stood a chance.

 _What I wouldn't give to have her flirting directed on me._

The laughter started before I could stop it. The thought was absurd. I _could_ have that, but then my son and wife would leave me, something I desperately didn't want.

My laughter died quickly.

Isabella looked at me like I was a madman. I probably was. I began walking towards the car again, gently pulling her with me.

"Is there any place in particular you would like me to drive you to?" I asked, after I had helped her into the passenger seat.

"Jessica and Angela are waiting for me at La Bella Italia." She answered as she looked at the clock at the dashboard. It wasn't very late; they would still be there.

Driving towards the restaurant, I could feel her curious eyes burning into the side of my head.

"Why was Edward not in school today?" The question hurt more than I would like it to, though not as much as the look of tender affection on her face. No, I should be happy that my son has finally found someone who loves him. _But why did it have to be her?_ I didn't matter anyway, I would have still been married to Esme, and so it would not have made any difference.

"The official story is that the whole family is on camping trip." I said evasively.

"And the unofficial one?" she asked, seeing through my weak attempt at deflection.

I kept my eyes firmly on the road in front of me. I didn't want to see the look in her eyes when I told her he was out eating Bambi.

Or rather, drinking Bambi's blood.

"He is out hunting with the family."

"Oh." came the short, quiet reply.

I pulled up in a parking spot a few cars away from the restaurant. I could see her two friends waiting for her outside. One of them, a tall girl with light brown hair, was looking around worriedly, clearly concerned for her missing friend. She looked kind, and I couldn't help but like her, she obviously cared about Bella.  
The other girl, though, looked rather impatient and was clearly trying to convince the tall one that they should go wait inside in the warm restaurant. I immediately disliked her.

"Well, thank you for the ride. And for saving me." Isabella, having spotted her friends, scrambled to get out of the car.

"Goodbye, Isabella." I felt a thrill go through me as I said her name, and I felt a smile starting to curve my lips.

"Bye." She closed the door and went to join her friends. They looked surprised to see her coming from my car, and I could hear Isabella tell them that she had gotten herself lost and that I had stumbled upon her somewhere in Port Angeles. Both Jessica and Angela accepted her version of the truth without any questions. Knowing Isabella, it was not an entirely unlikely explanation.  
All three raised their hands in goodbye to me and went inside.

…

As soon as they were gone, I felt the smile fall from my face. I started the car and drove aimlessly around, thinking about what had happened earlier.

I felt myself starting to tremble. I was well out of the city by now, on a small, rarely used back road surrounded by trees.

I stopped the car and got out, images of what would have taken place in the alley if I hadn't been there, running amok in my head.  
 _God, if I hadn't found her in time._ The thought was almost unbearable.  
They were still out there, maybe planning another attack. Isabella and her friends were still in the city. _What if they wanted to finish what they started?_ I could still feel the rage bubbling just under the surface, and I couldn't control it anymore. It begging me to set it loose. So I did. A red haze seemed to settle over me.

Ignoring the ringing phone in my pocket, I started running back towards Port Angeles. I knew what I had to do – I could not let them get away with it _._

The doctor in me, the good, compassionate man, wanted to spare them, to show them mercy. The ruthless, vampiric side of me wanted to rip them apart. Slowly. Dragging out their suffering like they would have done to Isabella. _I have to neutralize the threat to my mate._  
Running faster, I arrived in the city and made my way down to the harbor. My phone hadn't stopped ringing, so I took it out of my pocket, threw it on the ground and crushed it under my foot.  
I started to run again.

Entering the alley once again I took a deep breath and started tracking the two men who had dared to touch my Isabella. Their scents made a clear path leading me directly to them, and not even half a minute later I had found their hideout. I grinned, it was almost too easy.

I was standing in the shadows next to a lone, rundown house just outside the city limits. _Good, more privacy._ I started listening to the conversation between the two men inside the house.

"… bitch just had to have a friend with her," Was he talking about Isabella?, "That hasn't happened with any of the others before." They had done it to other girls and succeeded. My anger intensified.

"Yeah, such a damn shame, she was a pretty one, with all that long, brown hair just made to be wrapped around my hand."

A loud growl could be heard from deep within my chest.

"Did you hear that, Al?"

"Hear what, Lonnie?" The one named Al responded.

"I don't know. It sounded like thunder. I didn't know there was a storm coming." I laughed quietly. _Oh, you have no idea Lonnie, no idea._

"Whatever man. I think we should go find another girl. I don't want to wait any longer, it's been weeks since the last one."  
I had heard enough. Stepping out from the shadows I kicked in the door, surprising its inhabitants.

"Hello Lonnie, Al, did you miss me?"

To my immense satisfaction I saw both their faces turning white when they recognized me from the alley. Lonnie grabbed the shotgun leaning up against the wall next to him and pointed it at the center of my chest.

"Oh Lonnie, that's not going to work against me." I said in a singsong voice as if I were speaking to a child. Then he fired it, and in a blur I made my way across the room. Sensing me behind him, he turned around and fired it at me again.

"I told you, Lonnie, it's not going to work." I was quickly losing my patience for this game of cat and mouse, so I pulled the shotgun out of his hand and threw it behind me carelessly.  
Then Al made his presence known by attacking me from behind, trying to punch me in the head. I grabbed his fist before it hit, and squeezed it tightly. He yelped in pain, and we all heard the distinct crunch of his bones breaking. His agony only fueled my desire for revenge further, and I sent him flying into the wall at the other side of the room. He didn't get up again.

"Now, Lonnie, what on earth am I going to do with you?" Turning to face him I gave him an ominous smile. I made sure to show him my sharp teeth, and saw him shiver in terror. _Delightful,_ my inner beast purred. I curled one of my hands around his neck and started to squeeze, suffocating him ever so slowly. I wouldn't want to make his death come _too_ fast.

Then I heard another vampire enter the house through what was left of the door.

 **…**

 **Though I have always seen Carlisle as the epitome of benevolence and kindness, I must admit I like the idea of something darker going on in his head, every now and then. Even if he hasn't accepted the bond yet, I would like to think that the vampire in him would stop at nothing to protect his mate.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Turning around, I bared my teeth at the newcomer, a loud hiss leaving my mouth.  
I relaxed my defensive stance slightly when I saw it was Alice, holding her hands out in a gesture of peace, her head lowered submissively.

"Carlisle, you have to stop or you're going to kill them." At the sight of her pleading face, the fog in my mind lifted a little.

"They touched her, Alice, they-they _hurt_ her!" My voice sounded shrill, cracking at some of the words.

"I know Carlisle, but Bella is safe now. She's on her way home with Jessica and Angela. Killing them won't make what they did to her, or all those other girls, any better."  
I still wouldn't loosen my hold on the loathsome man, so she continued, "And how do you think Bella would feel if she found out? That the first time you killed a man was for her? Don't let them take you down to their level."

Those were the right words to say. As if burned, I immediately dropped my hand from around his neck, and he stumbled back a step.

"Thank you, pretty girl, much appreciated." He rasped, and sent Alice a leering smile. Lonnie was apparently as stupid as he was loathsome. Another hiss left my mouth as I kicked his legs from under him and sent him tumbling to the floor. He tried to get up again, but I placed my foot on his throat, instantly stopping his squirming.

"Talk to her again, and I will break your neck." I growled menacingly, fully prepared to deliver on my threat. For effect I pressed down on his windpipe ever so slightly, but I was careful not to kill him. Alice was right; I couldn't stoop to their level. If I did, all those years spent as a doctor, helping people and trying to make up for being a monster, would have been for nothing. And if Isabella ever found out I had killed two men for her sake, however disgusting they may be, she would never look at me the same way again.

"What should we do with them, then?" I asked Alice with a heavy sigh. When she didn't answer, I took my eyes of the revolting excuse of a man lying on the dirty floor, and looked up at her. She had a distant expression on her face; she was clearly having another vision.

"I don't think we need to worry about that." Came her enigmatic reply.

"What do you…?" My question was interrupted by to two more vampires running into the house. If I had been surprised to see Alice here, it was noting to the astonishment I felt when I saw who had joined us in the cramped room.

"Alice, I see that you fixed dinner for us. How very considerate of you." The two newcomers grinned happily.

"Peter, Charlotte, this is certainly a surprise. To what do we owe the pleasure?" I asked, taken aback by their sudden appearance.

"Well, we heard you were having a little trouble with some pest control," Charlotte looked pointedly at Lonnie who was lying under my foot, and then at the still unconscious Al in the corner, "and I see it was true."

"Yes… My, my, Carlisle. You surprise me, I wouldn't have thought you had it in you," Peter said, looking at me with a calculating gleam in eyes, "though perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised, they did attack your mate after all."

For one foolish moment I thought about denying what he had said, but I knew there would be no point. Peter just knew things. Probably why they were here in the first place.

"As perceptive as always, I see," Alice interjected, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
"Now, I think Carlisle and I will leave you to your meal. Come to our house when you're done, the others should be back before long, and I know Jasper will be happy to see you."

She turned to walk out the door, but I hesitated. Was this the right thing to do? It was only a few minutes ago that I had wanted to kill them myself, but my humanity had returned and now I was undecided.  
I knew that we couldn't just let them go; they would merely pack up their belongings and move, to then start preying on women again in another location. I almost wished for the soothing red haze of fury to settle over me again; then I would have no qualms about leaving them to their fate.

"Carlisle, come, this is for the best, believe me." I looked resignedly at Alice as she came up to me, and went to go with her.  
"You know, Carlisle, you should just accept the bond. There is no use fighting it." Peter said and turned to face me, stopping me dead in my tracks "Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter, you're going to do it soon enough, either way." Alice grabbed my arm and dragged me out into the fresh air.  
No, I couldn't believe that. I wouldn't be selfish enough to hurt my wife, to take Edwards beloved Bella away from him. Would I?

I vowed to myself not be that egotistical, but they were just empty words. Peter's 'visions' were always final. What he had seen would eventually come to be.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't register Alice dragging me back to my Mercedes. Only once we were in it, Alice driving and me in the passenger side, did I come back to my senses. The car was saturated with Isabella's sweet smelling blood. The scent of it comforted me greatly. Taking a deep lungful of the wonderful aroma, I regained my equilibrium completely. The guilt slowly started building up inside me. If I had been human, my stomach would have been churning.

"Thank you for stopping me." My voice was quiet and filled with remorse.

"You're quite welcome." She looked at me with a small smile on her face, "I would have done the same thing if I were you, you know. There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect Jasper, and I know Emmett feels the same way about Rose, as do Peter for Charlotte. It's part of the bond. It's probably stronger for you since your mate is so physically weak and breakable, even if you haven't marked her yet."

Her words made me feel infinitely better, but I couldn't believe I had just done what I did, had given myself over to my instincts so completely that I hadn't been able to stop myself. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I _would_ have killed them.

"The rest of the family is on their way back now. They will be home in a few hours and Peter and Charlotte will arrive just a few minutes before them." Alice announced, as we turned off the highway and started driving down the long and winding road to the house.

She parked my car in its designated spot and got out. Together we made our way out of the garage and into the house. Sighing, I went into the living room and sat down on the sofa, preparing myself mentally for the talk I knew was coming.

"Does Edward know?" I asked her apprehensively.

"About what happened to Bella? Or your reaction to it?" She was uncharacteristically serious, under the circumstances something I was deeply grateful for. At my nod she continued, "Yes to the first, no to the second."

At her reply I immediately felt relief sweep through me. My blatant overreaction would have been hard to explain without revealing the truth.

"Thankfully, I was alone with Jasper when I got the first vision of the two men attacking Bella. I knew that neither I, nor Edward, no matter how fast a runner he is, would have been able to get to her in time, so I sent Jasper to track down the others and tell them what had happened. Then I called you and started making my way down south. I had just reached Olympia when I got the second vision: You exacting your revenge. I could see what killing those two men would have done to you after you came to your senses and realized what you had done. I knew I had to stop you, so I started running faster." She paused for a few seconds, "I almost didn't make it."

We were both quiet for some time, contemplating what that would have meant.

"I don't know how we're going to be able keep this from Edward," I finally said, breaking the heavy silence.

"Perhaps we don't have to." Her were eyes slightly unfocused as she saw the different outcomes of the future, "We could tell them, but chalk it up to familial feelings of protectiveness."

She became silent yet again.

"Yes, that could definitely work. Just be careful not to show him to what extend you would have been willing to go."

I nodded my agreement to the plan, we would tell him the truth.  
Or at least some of it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

We sat in silence until we heard Peter and Charlotte making their way up the driveway, and I walked out to greet them.

"Thank you for the delicious meal, Carlisle. It was quite the welcome." Charlotte said grinning.

"Yes indeed," Peter added, "If that's the reception we're going to get, perhaps we should visit more often." They both laughed heartily and I showed them inside, smiling politely. Did they ever stop being cheerful? Their nonchalant attitude towards killing made me a little uncomfortable, though I suppose I was hardly one to talk now. Even if I hadn't actually killed the two men who had attacked Isabella, it _had_ been my intention, and that made me just as monstrous as them. If I hadn't been damned before, I certainly was now.

"Hello again, Alice! When is my brother-in-arms joining us?" Peter asked, a happy expression on his face. Just then we could hear two cars speeding towards the house.  
"Ah, never mind."

Within minutes we heard them park the cars, and I went to the garage to welcome them home. My children hugged me briefly before making their way into the house, leaving me to greet my wife in privacy.

"Where is Edward?" I asked Esme after we had kissed each other hello. I had noticed immediately that he hadn't been amongst them.

"He went to check on Bella."  
"He did what?" I asked incredulously. I didn't like that, for more than one reason, "the poor girl has just been attacked by two strange men, and now my own son is in her bedroom, _uninvited_ , watching her sleep?!"

"He just wanted to see that she was alright with his own eyes." Esme said softly, taken aback by my harsh words, "He is quite upset, you know."

I sighed, guilt at having been short with my sweet wife joining my already rather large assortment of negative emotions.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I didn't mean to take my frustrations out on you."  
"It's alright, Carlisle, I understand. Tonight has to have been hard for you, too." _Oh Esme, if only you knew._

"I don't deserve you, darling Esme."

"That's nonsense and you know it." She kissed me sweetly on the cheek, and taking her hand we went to join the others in living room.

…

In the early hours of the morning, long after the others had come home, the door was flung open and Edward stormed in.

"Tell me what happened!" He demanded as soon as he was standing in front of me.

I raised my eyebrow at his tone. I didn't usually allow my children to speak to me in such a way, but given the circumstances, and perhaps to assuage my own guilt, I chose not to comment on it.

"Guilt?" He narrowed his eyes at me. Damn.

"Yes, if only I had gotten there faster, then I could have stopped them before they even approached her." I explained, frowning slightly. It was certainly true enough, I did feel guilty about that, but it was far from the only reason I felt guilty. I buried that particular thought deep down in the recesses of my mind and quickly gave him and the rest of the family a rundown of what had happened earlier that evening. I included how I had tracked them down after I had safely reunited Isabella with her friends, and gave them an abbreviated version of what had taken place in their house when I had found them.

The family all looked surprised when they found out what I had done, but there was none of the reproach and condemnation I had thought I would see. Emmett even went as far as slapping me on the back, but only after I had looked dubiously at the hand he had raised to give me a high-five.  
I hated their obvious approbation of my actions, but was careful not to let it show. They certainly wouldn't be so proud of me if they knew the real reason behind them.  
Esme's reaction was probably the worst of them all.

"I'm very proud of you, my love, that you would do so much to protect our daughter."  
The words made me feel sick.

Alice quickly changed the subject, but the guilt had already come back tenfold, and I saw Jasper looking at me with a puzzled expression on his face. Averting my eyes I hastily made my excuses and went hunting. I needed to feed before going to the hospital anyway, especially after everything that had happened that day. I had a couple of deer, and the blood replenished me plenty, but I couldn't stop remembering my beloved wife's words, and I once again felt the shame fill my body. I didn't see her as my daughter and I knew I never would.  
You didn't think about your daughter in the way I thought about Isabella.

I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to fill her again and again and spill myself deep inside her.

The mere thought made me harder than I had ever been before, except perhaps the first time I had first seen her at the hospital.

"Do you need help with that?" Esme, my sweet wife, came walking out from the trees and into the clearing I had unknowingly entered. I had been so deep in thought I hadn't heard her approaching.

She walked closer until she was right in front of me and knelt down. She took me in her hand and then her mouth and the only thought left in my mind was how much I wanted the mouth to be that of another. A much warmer, sweeter mouth. Seeing only Isabella before my mind's eye, I started thrusting into the wet cavern, making her take me deeper, fucking her throat, before I finally came hard, a breathless cry leaving my lips.

After recovering I looked down at Esme. Her shocked face instantly made my feelings of guilt resurface. I had never made her take me in such a disrespectful way before.  
I generally believed that when a woman chose to pleasure a man in that way, that the man owed her the respect of letting her have the control.

"I'm so sorry, Esme, I couldn't seem to stop myself."

She didn't say anything, just kept looking up at me with wide eyes. I helped off the ground and took her in my arms, holding her close to my body. I let her comforting presence soothe my frayed emotions, and hoped that she wouldn't hate me. After a few minutes I finally felt her relax against me, and I knew she had forgiven me. She really was to good for me.

We stood like that for a long time, silently enjoying each other's company until I felt it was time to go home again.  
We slowly made our way back towards the house our hands intertwined, and I felt the quiet of the morning relax me further. I knew that once got back to the house the peace would be over.

…

As predicted, the house was in a state of chaos when we got back. Peter and Emmett had apparently thought it would be hilarious to see who could eat the largest amount of human food before having to throw it up again. Peter had won, much to Emmett's chagrin. They had managed to empty the pantry completely, not an easy feat since Esme made sure the house was always well stocked. She said that we never knew when we were going to have company over, and so she liked to be prepared.  
I could count on one hand the amount of times we have had guests over for dinner, or at all, in the last fifty years, but since we had to keep up the pretense of being a large family consisting mostly of growing teenagers who needed copious amounts of food, and since it made Esme happy, I didn't protest much about the lavish spending.  
Not that money would ever be a problem for us.  
I had been working for nearly 400 years, and that, along with Alice's predictions of the ups and downs of the stock market, had left us with more money than we could count. Of course we gave away a lot of it to various charities. We all felt that we needed to give something back. If some members of my family were hoping to buy their way out of hell, well, then it was just another inducement to do the right thing. I couldn't believe in that, but if it gave them hope, then I was happy for them.  
I knew I was damned either way, but the thought that any of my sweet family could be damned, and because of me, was nearly unbearable. They hadn't chosen this existence, neither had I for that matter, but I had actively made the choice to change them for my own selfish reasons. Edward because I had wanted a companion, and Esme because I had wanted a wife.

And I knew that if she wanted me to, I wouldn't hesitate to change Isabella too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Life after that wretched night in Port Angeles continued on as if uninterrupted. Edward and Isabella were steadily becoming closer, and he had even taken her to his favorite meadow in the forest, and shown her how we looked in the sun. How I wished I had been there to see the wonder on her face. I rejoiced for my son, my oldest companion didn't have to be alone anymore, truly I did, but my heart ached in my chest.  
That night was the first he spent in Isabella's bedroom with her knowledge. After Alice had told me, she had to physically stop me from going to Isabella's house and forcefully remove him from her. The thought of him lying in her bed with his arms around her as she slept peacefully – I was burning up with jealousy.  
The day after he brought her to the house to meet the rest of our family. She obviously knew the children from school, but they still hadn't been properly introduced. And of course she had yet to meet Esme. My lovely, sweet, wonderful Esme. She had of course noticed that something was wrong, that I wasn't entirely happy, but I don't believe she knew what had caused my despondence. If she did, she never let it show. She just provided me comfort, reminded my why I was fighting the bond so hard. She unknowingly gave me the strength I needed to continue. And I was grateful, so grateful. I wanted to pay her back, but I didn't know how. So I told her I loved her as often as I could and made love to her every night. But I was careful not to cross the line like I had that day in the woods.

If my heart wasn't entirely in it, well… there was nothing I could do about it.

When Alice had told us of Edward's plan to bring her here, my sweet wife had gotten very excited. I, on the other hand, was feeling rather nervous. I had yet to be with Isabella in the same room as Edward, and I sincerely hoped that I could keep my rather inappropriate thoughts about his girlfriend to myself. _Girlfriend._ The word left a bitter taste in my mouth.  
The house and its inhabitants were in a state of nervous excitement when we finally heard the car coming up the driveway. We all took the positions we had agreed upon earlier, trying to act normal so as to not frighten her or, as Emmett so eloquently put it 'freak her the fuck out'. The car stopped in front of the house, and they I could hear them get out. I stood with Esme at Edward's piano waiting for them to enter the house, a frozen smile on my face and I had to stop myself from fidgeting, a human trait I had picked up over the years working alongside them. _God I felt nervous._

The door opened and there she was.  
She was beautiful.

"Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella." Edward introduced. I was awestruck, my mouth seemingly unable to move.

"Welcome, Bella." My wife said with a beaming smile.

"Thank you. You must be Esme, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." Her voice was just as lovely as I remembered it, the words soft but firm – _Perfect_.  
Her eyes turned to me and a warm smile lit up her eyes, and I could feel my answering one stretching on my face quite involuntary and effortlessly. She raised her hand and I took it in mine, feeling the same fire that I first felt at the hospital ignite where her skin touched mine.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle." She grinned at me. My name on her lips was the single most erotic thing I had ever heard. I wanted to lick it off her, to taste it as it fell from her mouth. I felt myself become painfully hard, and I unwittingly took a step closer to her. _I had to get closer to her._  
In that moment Alice came running down the stairs, an enormous smile on her face.

"Bellaaa!"

I quickly took a few steps back to the cover of the piano, grateful, and a little irritated, to be interrupted. I sincerely hoped Edward hadn't noticed my little lapse in control. I looked at him out the corner of my eye, but he wasn't concentrating on me. His eyes were trained on Alice, who came to a sudden and graceful stop in front of Isabella and kissed her cheek. I saw Edward frown at her from his place behind Bella, though I didn't know why. Isabella seemed surprised at the gesture, but her smile showed how happy she was to be accepted by Alice so quickly.

Jasper came trailing after his mate, an uneasy expression on his face. When Edward saw him in the room he hissed angrily.

"What are you doing down here? I thought I told you to stay away! I don't want you anywhere near my Bella!" He said in a low volume so Bella, who was currently busy talking to Esme, wouldn't notice.

"I told him to be here." Alice turned and beckoned Jasper closer. He quickly went to her side and she took his hand. Edward sent her a murderous look – it was time to stop this nonsense.

"Edward! Jasper isn't going to hurt her."

He looked like he was about to argue, but I had had enough.

 _"_ _And that's final."_

He looked away at my command, sulking.

Alice pulled Jasper up in front Isabella, who instantly started looking more relaxed. Edward was fuming by now, but I was happy that Jasper was using his abilities to make her feel more at ease. When her and Jasper had been introduced, a lull seemed to fall over the conversation.

"Do you play, Isabella?" I had noticed her looking wistfully at the grand piano we were standing in front.

"Oh no, not at all, my mother does, though," that explained the nostalgic expression I had seen on her face, "it's such a beautiful instrument. Is it yours, Carlisle?"

"I'm afraid not, it's Edward's." I said absentmindedly, thinking about how her soft, pink lips had looked as they had formed my name. "Did he not tell you that he's musical?" I asked seeing her incredulous expression.

"He didn't, but I guess I should have known." At my questioning look she continued. "Edward can do everything, right?"

Her and Edward shared a knowing smile and I felt a searing stab of jealousy go through my heart. I squashed it quickly, before Edward or Jasper would notice.

When the introductions were over with and all conversation exhausted, Edward took Isabella's hand and showed her to his room. I looked longingly after her as they left the room, but stopped myself as soon as I noticed what I was doing.

"We're going for a quick hunt," Alice informed us, walking towards the back door with Jasper following closely behind her, "but we will be back before Bella leaves."

"Well, I'm going to make Bella some lunch in case she is hungry." Esme looked at me for a moment with a thoughtful expression on her face, but left the room to go start preparing the food without saying anything more.

I stood by the grand piano for a few seconds not knowing what I to do with myself, before I decided to go to my study to try to distract myself from my thoughts. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.  
Having Isabella under the same roof as myself was both a blessing and a curse. Having her so close, her exquisite scent swirling all around me, but not being able to touch her, to take her in my arms like I so desperately wanted, was harder than I thought it would be. But I was certain that given enough time I would eventually learn to control my impulses. I had to, there was simply no other way. I supposed I could avoid her when I knew she would be over, and ignore her as best I could when that didn't work, but I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn't. That I couldn't.

After all, seeing her with Edward was less unbearable than the thought of not seeing her at all.

And so, purgatory continued.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

To my delight and regret, Edward and Isabella's relationship continued to deepen, and she spent more and more time at our house. Her captivating scent seemed to linger in every room, giving me no respite. I wasn't sure if I wanted it. I got to be in the presence of the woman I secretly adored, but I also had to witness her falling deeper and deeper in love with another man. I could see her love for my son growing every day that went by. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. Never had the words made more sense to me, than in those days of wretched bliss.

…

Isabella was going to be at our house once again today, but this time was a little different. This was the first time she was going to spend three consecutive days here. Including the nights.

Edward hadn't fed in a while and was going hunting tonight. He had initially decided to leave Isabella at her home, but since Charlie had gone on a fishing trip for a few days and so wouldn't be home, Alice had persuaded him to let her stay here for the duration of Charlie's trip instead. He hadn't seemed entirely happy with the idea, but had relented after she told him how lonely Bella would be in her own house, all alone.  
I don't think he trusted us anymore. The thought hurt.

When Isabella came to the house sometime after noon, I saw her look around as if she was searching for someone. She frowned, deep in thought, and I gathered that she had noticed the absence of Rosalie and Emmett. They had yet to meet her officially, since they were gone every time she had been here, but she still hadn't said anything about it.

Rose had been angry that Isabella would be coming to our house yet again, so she had stormed out a couple of hours ago and Emmett had gone after her to try to convince her to come back again.

Later that day, while I was sitting in my study working on some of the endless paperwork from the hospital, Esme was in the kitchen making dinner, and Alice and Jasper were doing God knows what I their room, I heard Bella ask Edward why Rose and Emmett were never here when she was.

"Rosalie is… shallow and vain. You don't fit in with her picture of the family. You're not someone she, or our family for that matter, would normally associate themselves with."

I frowned at his words. The dig, both at Rose and Isabella, was not lost on me.

Rose really wasn't that shallow and despite what Edward had said, it wasn't the reason why she was avoiding her, far from it in fact, and that he would choose to make Isabella believe that confused me greatly. It wasn't that Rosalie had a particular dislike for Isabella; she just didn't approve of us befriending her. She saw her as potential threat towards her family. And Edward knew that better than anyone.  
And she _was_ right. If the Volturi found out that Bella, a _human_ , knew about us not even Aro would be able to protect us. They would demand that she was either changed or killed and we would be punished. I knew that there were members of the Volturi guard who saw my family as a threat they would like to eliminate, though most just thought us eccentric.

Worst of all were what he had said about Isabella. She was a shy girl and from what I could gather didn't have a very high opinion of herself. Especially not after she had begun associating with the members of my family who in her eyes were the very pinnacle of perfection. That he would choose to affirm her views on her own value angered me immensely.

"Oh." The word, short though it may be, spoke volumes – the sadness and worthlessness was plain for all to hear.

But Edward didn't say anything. He just continued talking about whatever they had been talking about before Isabella had interrupted him to ask the question. My anger and confusion grew, and I resolved to speak with him about it as soon as she left again.

Some time during the night Edward left her to sleep while he went to go hunting. All the others except Alice and I had chosen to go with him, so the house had suddenly gone very quiet.

Twenty minutes after they had left, I heard Bella leave Edward's room. Her feet padded softly on the carpeted floor, stopping outside the door to my study. My dead heart leapt in my body and I was out of my chair and had the door open, before she could raise her hand to knock on the heavy wood.

"Isabella?"

"Oh!" She jumped, startled at the sudden appearance of me in right front of her.

"I'm sorry, I should have let you knock. Sometimes it's just so easy to forget to act human. Especially around you."

"Oh no, don't be sorry! I'm glad that you feel that way, I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable around me." She smiled at me happily.

"I could never be uncomfortable around you." A heavy red color stained her cheeks. The words were probably a little _too_ suffused with meaning, but I couldn't regret it. She was beautiful when she blushed.

"Do you want to come in?"

"Oh well, I don't want to interrupt you doing anything important." The red in her cheeks was receding, unfortunately.

"You're not interrupting, and even if you did, it wouldn't mean that the interruption would be unwelcome." I couldn't stop my smile when I saw her blush yet again.

I opened the door wide for her, but she still pressed up against me when she walked by, her scent swirling around me, making me dizzy with want. Not of her blood, I hadn't had that particular urge since I first smelled her in the hospital. No, I wanted her in quite another way. To feel her body in my arms like I did in the alleyway, except I wanted it quivering from passion, from pleasure and not from panic and terror. I wanted her bent over my desk, squirming with pleasure while I thrust hard into her wet heat.

She was nearing that desk now, it wouldn't take much to pin her to it, to make her want me like I wanted her.

I dispelled the thoughts from my mind, quickly gaining control of myself and ran to sit in my chair on the other side of the desk from her.

Distance was good, distance meant more control.

Distance meant _nothing._

I wanted her just as much as I did before. The benefit of distance was that now she couldn't see me struggle with said want.

She took her seat in front of my desk, and looked up at me.

"Carlisle, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, Isabella."

"Why is Rosalie and Emmett never here when I am?" I didn't need to be an empath like Jasper to know that she was sad and uncertain, "only, when I asked him earlier Edward said something…"

"I heard what he said." I interrupted her. I didn't want her to have to repeat the words.

"I don't know why he said what he did, it was wrong of him and it _most certainly_ wasn't true!" I took a deep breath to try to dispel some of the anger that was building inside me.

"Rosalie cares very much about her family, and I think that she is scared that your presence is going to endanger it."

"How am I going to endanger you?" She looked to be near panic, "I know I'm not exactly the type of person you would normally invite into your fam…" She didn't get any further before I interrupted her heatedly.

"That is just ridiculous, Isabella! And I _certainly_ hope that you think more highly of us than to believe that such an _insignificant_ thing as beauty has _any_ kind of sway over who we decide may join us!" By the end of my sentence I was breathing hard, but despite how my words sounded, I wasn't angry with her.

I was hurt.

I couldn't believe that she thought us, _me,_ so callous.

An unhappy frown on my face I looked up at her once again. She was crying silently, the tears trickling down her cheeks. _Oh God, I made her cry._

"Isabella…"

"I'm sorry! Oh God, Carlisle, I'm so, so sorry!" She was sobbing now and I quickly made my way over to her and picked her up. Taking her with me back to my side of the desk, I sat back down in my chair with her in my arms.

"I'm s-sorry."

"Shhh… It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay." I tightened my arms around her, and nuzzled my nose into her hair, trying to calm her down.

"No, it's not. I'm a horrible p-person." Her crying picked up.

I separated myself from her hair to look her in the face, "You're not! Don't you dare say that about yourself!" When she looked like a new bout of tears were coming, I crushed her into my chest, once again burying my head in her hair, murmuring softly.

"You are so beautiful, Isabella, so beautiful. Surely you must see that?" She didn't answer, so I continued. "Because _I_ do."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Knowing I was heading out into dangerous waters, I backtracked quickly.

"And all the others do too."

She looked at me with wide, red-rimmed eyes.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle." She whispered remorsefully. I went to wave away her apology, but she continued, "No, I really am! You're too good to think like that, you _all_ are, and I know that. It's just… I-I'm scared, Carlisle. I'm scared that when he loses interest in me, when he has figured out that my thoughts are not worth knowing, that he will get bored and is going to take you all away from me." The tears started spilling over again and I pulled her close once more.

"And I can't live without you, Carlisle. You're the only family I have." I took in breath to remind her of her mother and father but realized there was no point. Because although she loved both Charlie and Renée dearly, they had never been the family that she wanted, the family that she needed.

 _We_ were.

"We're not going to leave you, Isabella." She went to disagree, but I stopped her. "Not ever! You're a part of the family now. And even if Edward decides that our world is not for you, he has absolutely no say in whether we, whether _I_ stay or not. And we _will_ stay, Isabella, you're too important to us to leave. Even if it means that the family will break apart."

"Is that what you meant when you said that Rosalie is afraid I will endanger the family?"

"Yes and no." I hesitated, I didn't want her to know the particulars of vampire politics, but she needed to know this. "There is a much more real threat out there."

I stood up with her in my arms. Not letting go I carried her to one of the paintings hanging on the wall of my study.

"There are rules in our world, rules enforced by these three vampires." I pointed to the men in question. "These, Isabella, are the Volturi."

…

After I told Isabella about our leaders, I told her about my past both before and after the change. How I had struggled with concept of killing humans, my numerous attempts to kill myself, and when that didn't work, my subsequent self-induced starvation. I told her how I had been so desperate to feed that I had attacked a herd of deer and discovered that I could live without killing innocents. How I with renewed strength had swam across the English Channel and made my way through France and into Italy where I had met Aro, Marcus and Caius. I told her how I had been with them and their fierce guard for a long time, until their attempts to entice me into drinking human blood became too much and I left them to go to the new world. How I became a doctor, how I had discovered that I could help people by being the very thing I despised. How I had become so lonely that I had changed the others.

She was fascinated, and I couldn't help but think that every struggle, every long year of suffering was worth it just to see the awe and pride she felt for me clearly visible on her beautiful face.

Through my long tale I still hadn't let her go, though I had once again sat us down in my chair. She seemed to be very comfortable in my arms, and I knew it was because of the bond, because although we hadn't completed the mating ritual and although she was human, her body, her mind, recognized me and felt the contentment and happiness that can only be felt in the arms of ones true other half.

Until I had met Isabella I had always thought that Esme was my mate. Although I had noticed we never seemed to have the same passion, the same _need_ for each other as Rose and Emmett and Alice and Jasper had, I had always put this down to our personalities. We had quickly fallen in love, and since I, or she, had never felt that kind of feeling before, we didn't question its authenticity. We were happy and comfortable, but the otherworldly contentment and joy I felt while I held Isabella was something else entirely.

A couple of hours after she had come to my study, she had fallen asleep. I didn't take her back to bed as I knew I should, I simply couldn't part with her yet. So I sat with her cradled to my chest for hours, enjoying the feel of her soft, yielding body against mine.

She fit perfectly.

I would gladly sit here with her in my arms until the end of time, but of course that wasn't a possibility.

"If you don't want Edward and Esme to know, you should take her back to bed now," Alice told me from downstairs, "they will be back soon."

I sighed heavily. What if I didn't? Would it truly be that bad? I thought of Edward's fury and Esme's hurt expression. Yes, yes it would.

I stood up and went to Edward's room careful not to wake her up. I put her down in his bed, looked at her exquisite face for a long moment, and turned around to leave.

As I reached the door I heard the soft, "Carlisle" leave her lips in a whisper. I looked at her again, and I almost thought she had woken up. She had turned towards me, as if she knew I was leaving and she wanted to stop me. _She is dreaming about me_.

I stood staring longingly at her for a moment before wrenching myself away. It physically hurt to leave the room, but I did it anyway. There was no other option if I wanted my family to stay together.

I sat in my study with my head in my hands when I heard the sound of my family running back home. I had been compartmentalizing my thoughts ever since I left Isabella in Edward's room, so that he wouldn't know that I had spent the entire night with her pressed against my chest.

"Why does my room smell of you, Carlisle?" Edward asked immediately after they had returned to the house.

"She fell asleep on the sofa in my study, and I carried her back to bed."

"Why didn't Alice do it? And why was she in your study to begin with? I left her in my room."

"She presumably couldn't sleep and came for some company," My sweet Esme came to my defense, "and Alice was probably busy doing something else."

He didn't say anything, but we all heard the sullen 'hrmph' coming from his room.

My lovely wife came into my study, smiling lightly as she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"How was your hunt, dear?" I asked conversationally, thankful that she was here to distract me from my thoughts of Bella.

"It was fine, though Emmett made a mess once again," at my puzzled look she continued, "he found a grizzly."

"Hell yeah!" Emmett shouted excitedly from downstairs.

I chuckled quietly while Esme left my office to go get cleaned up. Emmett still hadn't forgiven the bear that had gotten the better of him while he was still human, and so now that he was indestructible and undefeatable, liked to take it out on every grizzly he came across.

…

It was almost noon when Bella woke up the next day.

Edward had wanted to wake her up much earlier, but thankfully Alice convinced him that since she had been up must if the night, it would be better if he didn't. He was very angry when he heard that.

"Why was she up that late? I put her to bed around nine!"

This time it was Alice who came to my rescue.

"Edward, we told you this already! She couldn't sleep and went to Carlisle for some company."

"Well, he should have made her go back to bed!" Came his acerbic answer.

"Excuse me?" A pajamas-clad Isabella came down the stairs with an incredulous expression on her face.

"Bella, he kept you up for half the night!" That only made her angry.

"He didn't _keep_ me up! I _chose_ to stay awake."

"Bella, love, I'm not blaming you. Carlisle is the adult here, he should have known better!"

 _Oh Edward, you should not have said that._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

If the angry look Edward sent me was anything to go by, I believe he had heard my thought. He was about to say something to me when Alice interrupted us with a slightly too happy look on her face.

"There is going to be a thunderstorm today!" She announced merrily. Emmett and Jasper started cheering loudly while Isabella looked on confused.

I went up to her, ignoring Edward's hiss of displeasure.

"Whenever there is a thunderstorm we go out and play baseball. It's the only time we can do it and not raise suspicion." I explained with a small smile on my face.

"What do you mean?"

I was about to answer when Alice danced over to where we were standing.

"You will see, Bella. Now, go eat some of the breakfast Esme has prepared, and then put on some warm clothes."

Still looking puzzled, she followed my wife out of the living room and into the kitchen. A large stack of pancakes was laid out on the table along with a selection of cut fruit and a glass of juice.

"Wow, thank you Esme. This looks delicious!" My wife beamed at the praise while Bella sat down to eat. She moaned loudly, the sound resonating deep within me, instantly making me hard. _God, if only I could make her sound like that._

I needed to calm myself down, so beat a hasty retreat to my study. Her exquisite scent was lingering, still strong after the night she had spent in here with me. I sat in my chair and started going over what had happened that morning and the row Alice had interrupted. I had to admit to myself that I was beginning to get worried about their relationship. Something was wrong – I could feel it. Perhaps it was my own wishful thinking that was clouding my judgment, but I couldn't detect any love coming from him.

Obsession. Yes.

Love? No.

Isabella, once so independent and strong willed, had started getting meek and subservient, deferring to his judgment in every little matter. He always made them do what _he_ wanted them to do, never caring whether it was what she wanted or not.

But not this time, I reflected, this time she had finally put her foot down, and I hoped that it was what I had said to her last night that made her do it. Perhaps after my reassurances she wasn't so afraid of being left behind by the rest of us if he decided to terminate their relationship.

"Carlisle, it's time to get ready!" Alice calling up to me interrupted me from my brooding.

I was not in the mood to change my clothes into something sportier, so I gloomily went down to the garage to wait for the others. We were taking Emmett's Jeep and my Range Rover. He and Jasper were getting the cars ready, stocking them with bats and balls, as we tended to go through at least a couple of each during a game. I couldn't wait to see Isabella's face when she saw how we played. That cheered me up a little. She was sure to be amazed by the display of our inhuman strengths, she always seemed to be: The more outlandish and fantastical the better. I chuckled at that thought. She truly was an amazing woman to accept us so wholeheartedly and unreservedly.

Edward came into the garage with Isabella walking slightly behind him and led her to Emmett's Jeep and handed her in. Had they really made up already? I got my answer a moment later when he went to buckle her in, and she pushed him away angrily, getting out of the car again. She quickly walked to my Range Rover and got in and when he tried to follow her, she smacked the door in his face for good measure. I had to hide my smile behind the back of my hand, but Emmett and Jasper, who had of course seen everything, were outright laughing. Edward stormed out of the garage glaring indignantly at us, which only made my two youngest sons laugh even harder, while they followed him out into the house again teasing him mercilessly about being in the doghouse. I looked at the car where Bella was now sitting in the middle seat, struggling with the harness. I sobered up quickly, went to the car and knocked on the door. After verifying through the dark tinted glass that I wasn't Edward, she quickly opened the door.

"Carlisle, could you help me please? I-I don't know how to do this." She asked me, blushing a bright red.

"Of course, Isabella." I was slightly surprised that she had asked. I had been preparing myself to have to persuade her into letting me help. Only once I was inside and had closed the door, sitting beside her, did I discover the mistake I had made. Her heavenly scent swirled around me inside the small space, having been made stronger by the fact that she had been in here for a few minutes already.

Her scent must be the strongest aphrodisiac on this earth, I decided. Because by God, I was already straining hard against my trousers. Taking a deep breath, another big mistake, I slowly leant over her to grab one strap of the triple sided harness. Her scent was even stronger when I was this close to her. _Only two to go now, Carlisle_. I took the other strap, the one closest to me and put the two together in the middle, right between her breasts. She started breathing harder, her chest rising and falling rapidly, making her breast push in to my hand with every intake of air. The third strap would be a little more difficult as it was situated between her legs. Looking at her I placed my hand on her thigh and used it to slowly spread her legs. The scent of her arousal hit me hard, and I took a deep breath tasting it on my tongue. I felt my control crumpling and I could see my eyes pitch black with arousal reflected in hers. I slowly reached down between her spread thighs and grabbed the last strap of the harness, making sure to stroke my hand against her as I brought it up. Her eyes closed and she shuddered. _I_ _did that_ , my mind announced proudly as I put the three pieces together.  
The loud _click_ the harness made seemed to break the mood. I shook my head and quickly left the small space, opening all the car doors and the door to the garage to dispel the heady smell of her arousal while I took deep breaths of the fresh air to alleviate my own desire.

It was almost ten minutes before the rest of the family came into the garage, and by now any lingering scents had dissipated. I believe I had Alice to thank for that as there was no way it would have taken any, much less _all_ of them _that_ long without her having delayed them significantly. Edward came in last and since all the seats in my Range Rover had already been taken by Isabella, Esme, Alice, Jasper and myself, probably another bit of maneuvering by Alice, he had no other choice than to sit in the Jeep with Rose and Emmett.

I got the car out the garage and quickly started driving it down the long driveway behind Emmett. Once we were on the highway I felt myself relax, and a mischievous side I hadn't felt in many, many years emerged from the depths somewhere. Alice seeing what I was about to do started laughing. Laughing with her I overtook the other car honking my horn, and looked out of the passenger side window at Emmett with my eyebrows raised in a clear challenge. His surprised and slightly shocked face made everyone in my car laugh, as I drove in front of him.

"Oh you're on, old man!" He started speeding up trying to overtake me, but as Alice kept telling me what his next move would be, he didn't stand a chance. That is until Edward joined the game. Emmett would decide something, Alice would see it and Edward would tell him to do something else, which Alice would see and tell me, and so on and so on. We had overtaken each other a couple of times, only pausing when Alice and Edward would tell us there was oncoming traffic ahead, and then we would start again. It wasn't long before we had to drive off onto a small road leading into the woods, and unfortunately the Range Rover was behind the Jeep making us the losers. It would be rough terrain, nothing the cars couldn't handle of course, but it would put a stop to our little game, especially since the easily breakable Isabella was in the car. After a few minutes on the dirt road, Alice turned to me and quietly told me to put distance between the two cars. Slightly puzzled I did what she said and started slowing down. When the Jeep was far ahead of us, she pointed towards a small trail up ahead, clearly leading away from the road we were on. As soon as I had directed the car onto the trail she yelled, "Hit it, Carlisle!"

I hesitated for a moment.

"Will you be okay, Isabella?" I asked her worriedly, I didn't want her to get hurt.

"I will be just fine, GO!" She yelled, excitement in her voice. Laughing loudly at her enthusiasm I did what she told me and hit the accelerator, propelling us forward on the bumpy road. A few minutes later I could see the clearing up ahead, and pressed my foot down even further. We came speeding into the clearing and I stopped the car. Emmett was nowhere to be seen, but I could hear his car. They would be here in soon.

"Quick, everybody out!" Alice undid Bella's harness and pulled her out to stand up against the car beside the rest of us. A few seconds later the Jeep drove into the clearing, coming to a screeching halt in front of us as we stood relaxing nonchalantly against the car as if we had been there for hours, not seconds.

"Took you long enough, I almost thought we would have to start without you." I said as a shocked Emmett stepped out of his car.

"H-How?" Was the only thing he asked a crestfallen expression on his face.

"You need to learn how to keep up, Emmy-Boo." Jasper taunted him. Alice giggled quietly at our antics just as a loud crack of thunder sounded over our heads.

"It's time."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The boys quickly set up the game on the field while I got the bats and balls out of the cars. I was actually excited for this, something I hadn't been for many years.

"Alright, same teams as usual, Jasper, Rosalie and Edward against Emmett, Alice and I. It's our turn to bat. Esme and Isabella can be umpires, if that is acceptable to you?" They both nodded their assent, "Good. Let's do it!"

And so the game commenced. I was batting first and I made sure to keep my eyes at Bella as the ball shot off into the air with a loud _crack_. The look of awe on her face was magnificent.

"So _that's_ why you need the thunder." I heard her say to no one in particular as I ran around the field and reached the home plate just before Jasper.

Feeling her eyes on me I looked up and winked cheekily, smirking slightly as I heard her heart speed up, before going to wait for it to be my turn to bat again. I really needed to control myself.

We continued playing for some time and since the teams were evenly matched, we were in the lead with just a few points, when Alice suddenly froze mid-pitch.

"What is it, Alice?" Jasper ran to her quickly.

"I'm so sorry, I-I didn't see them, and they heard us play and got intrigued."

"Who and how many?" I asked.

"Three nomads, two men and a woman. They will be here in forty three seconds."

I ran to Isabella at the edge of our group, and she looked up at me frightened.

"It's okay Isabella," I gently but hurriedly took the hairband out of her hair in a vain attempt to cover her neck, "stand as still as you can and don't speak, okay? We will keep you safe. I promise." She nodded and I smiled a small smile at her.

The others had made a protective semicircle around us and stood tense as we waited for the nomads. I went to stand in front of the others as the leader of my coven, and I heard Isabella's gasp as I left her. I turned my head and looked at her again, "It's alright, sweetheart. You will be safe." She blinked as she recognized the term of endearment from our conversation last night, and looked marginally more relaxed. I turned back around, my back straight and proud but my stance relaxed and non-threatening.

They entered the clearing a few seconds later, running straight for us and stopped right in front me. Like mine their demeanor was carefully non-aggressive, but I could tell they were seizing us up, assessing the how much of a threat we posed. The dark-skinned man in the middle of the three took a step forward, and nodded his head in greeting.

"Hello. My name is Laurent, and this is James and Victoria." He turned slightly and waved his hand towards the two standing behind him, but there was something wrong with the gesture. He was slightly too submissive towards the other male. I held my head a little higher.

"You will afford me the respect of talking with the _real_ leader of your coven." I commanded. They needed to know that we were not easily fooled and that we would most definitely not bow down to them.

"Certainly." Laurent said looking slightly impressed as he took a step back. The other male, James, came forward his bright red eyes trained on Isabella.

"I am Carlisle and this is Esme, Rosalie, Isabella, Alice, Jasper, Edward and Emmett."

"I see you brought lunch. Care to share her with the rest of us?"

"You will not touch what is mine!" Edward growled loudly from behind me, making the tension even more strained.

" _Be quiet, Edward."_ But I could see that it was already too late; James had a look of determination in his eyes that I didn't like.  
Laurent took in our number with wide eyes. If it came down to a fight he would run. Victoria and James were also taking us in, but they looked more calculating than scared. They looked us over one by one, judging the threat each of us would pose to them. Victoria glossed over most of us, but frowned slightly at the impressive size of Emmett. James on the other hand was looking positively gleeful at the challenge getting to Isabella would be.

Jasper looked at me questioningly. I nodded my assent and he stepped forward to stand beside me. I hated using my son as a deterrent, but in some circumstances it was necessary. Victoria focused on Jasper and her eyes widened almost comically. He was covered in scars from his time in Maria's army. He looked lethal, much more so than Emmett.

And he was.

Usually just looking at him would make any nomad we had come across run in the other direction, but I could tell that it was not going to work this time. They needed to know just _who_ they were dealing with.

"She is under our protection." He announced loudly.

"And just who are you?" James asked in a bored tone looking utterly unconcerned.

"Major Jasper Whitlock."

Victoria and Laurent gasped, both taking a few steps back.

"Hmm… The God of War protecting a mere, little human? How the mighty have fallen." James looked up at him with interest. _Damn._

"I think we will bid you farewell now." Then he smiled and turned to his companions, "Come."

We were all silent until they were out of hearing distance.

"Carlisle, they're going to come back for her. They're not going to give up!" Alice warned me.

"I know." I turned and scooped Isabella up in my arms, taking her back to the Range Rover. While I was securing her harness the others packed up our things. We were driving back towards our house only seconds after James and his coven had left the clearing.

"What is going on, Carlisle?" Isabella asked frightened. We had just exited the dirt roads and were driving on the highway.

It was Jasper who answered, "Bella, you smell very good, even for a human. He decided you were going to be his next meal as soon as he noticed your scent, and the fact that such a powerful coven as ours is protecting you, only made him more determined. He likes a challenge, and he is not going to stop until either you or he is dead."

"What are we going to do?" Her voice was small and fearful, and I reached a hand back to touch her knee, trying to bring her comfort.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but we can't talk about it while we're out in the open." She nodded understandingly, placing her hand on top of mine for a few seconds before pulling away. I squeezed her leg reassuringly before letting go and placed my hand back on the steering wheel.

What _were_ we going to do? There weren't many options available, in fact I could only see two. One, we all stayed here and fought James head on which could be dangerous both to Isabella and the people of Forks.

Or two, a small number of us took Isabella and ran as far away as possible, while the others stayed and fought James head on. This could still be a danger to the local human populace, but at least Bella would be safe. And I needed her safe.

Option two it was.

Now, who should go with her?

The human men who had attacked her where nothing to these predators and my inner demon knew it. It was screaming at me to neutralize the threat, to protect my mate by all means necessary. But I also knew that I wouldn't be able to stand being that far away from her, not at a time like this. If I weren't with her, I couldn't be sure that she was safe.  
Protect my mate by eliminating the threat, or make sure I got her to safety? There was no contest; I needed her to be safe.

So I would go, but who would go with me?

Edward was out of the question, both because my vampiric side was refusing to bring any kind of _competition_ , but also because he had loudly announced that she was his. However wrong he may be about that, James would naturally assume that he would be with her. He needed to stay here so we could make a break for it with Isabella without them realizing she was gone. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Alice silently pointing to herself. She was telling me she would be the one to go with me. Keeping eye contact I nodded my agreement to the plan.

It was decided.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

When we got to the house I drove the Range Rover straight into the garage, and parked beside the Jeep while Emmett closed the garage door.

"Alice. Is it safe to have a conversation?" I asked her while undoing the harness around Isabella.

"Laurent is coming, but he isn't a threat. He has chosen not to take any part in this and he want's us to know that."

We reconvened to the dining room and where all sitting around the dining room table we only used to have family meetings when Laurent knocked on our door and came in. He saw the murderous look from Edward and held up his hands in a gesture of peace.

"I'm not here to fight, I came to warn you. James is a skilled tracker, one of the best I have met. He is very dangerous and he always gets his way. Are you sure the girl is worth it?"

At our answering growls he continued, "Then I suggest that you take her as far away from here as possible."

"I concur." Jasper said speculatively, "It would be the wisest course of action. Then the remaining family members can track down James and Victoria and take care of them."

"What? Go away? What about Charlie?" Bella asked loudly, getting slightly frantic.

"I will take her up north, towards the Denali." Edward announced, ignoring her panic.

"It would be the safest for him if you weren't nearby, Isabella." I looked at her apologetically; I understood why she didn't want to leave her father for an indeterminable amount of time. "But you also can't go with her, Edward." I continued quietly, I knew he was not going to like that one bit.

"She is MINE, and _I_ will protect her." He hissed at me angrily, looking like he was about to physically attack me.

"No, Edward, Carlisle is right." Alice said slowly, "You told James that she was yours, he will expect you to be with her. If you're not here, then he will know that Bella isn't either."

"What then, you want _Carlisle_ to go with her?" He spat my name like it was burning his tongue.

"Yes. And me." Alice replied calmly. "It has to be us, or it won't work."

That was a lie, but we needed Edward to agree to the plan. Which he did by nodding his head, albeit grudgingly, a few seconds later.

"Alright, Alice and I will take Isabella and start heading west."

"Yes. I think Phoenix would be a good place to go." Alice answered the implied question in my statement.

"Esme call Billy Black and tell him what's going on." I commanded. Now Isabella looked confused as well as scared.

A few weeks before I met Isabella I had been out hunting near the treaty line when I had come across the unmistakable smell of Quileute wolf. I didn't know how many they were, and I didn't know why they had come back, but there was no doubt that they were magnificent creatures, fully capable of taking down vampires. "Tell him to keep Charlie on the reservation until it's safe."

"Alice, go to Isabella's house and pack her bag, Jasper go with her. Edward, get her clothes from her bag upstairs and go lay a false trail for James to follow. It's not going to fool him for long, but perhaps it will buy us just enough time to leave safely without being followed." One after one they did as I said and left the room.

"Emmett, prepare the Mercedes, we need to go as long as possible before we need to stop for gas. Rosalie you will collect some food from the kitchen for us to take with us." They both left and it were only Laurent, Isabella and I left in the dining room.  
I placed both my hands on her shoulders and looked her deep in the eyes. "I need you to make sure you're ready to leave this house in five minutes and be able to stay in a car for the next few hours." She nodded weakly and left the room.

Turning towards Laurent I narrowed my eyes at him. "You are welcome to stay if you want, but if I ever find out that you told James where we have taken Isabella, I will track you down and make sure you suffer a very painful death. Is that understood?"

He nodded fearfully. I looked at him for a few seconds more then left the room.

Running up the stairs I went to pack my own bag and to go to the study to collect some of my medical equipment. Knowing Bella, we were going to need it at some point or other.

A few minutes later Alice and Jasper were back with Isabella's bag in hand.

"Alright, go pack your own things Alice. We will meet you at the car." I told her and went in search of Isabella.

I found her standing in the hallway next to Edward's room looking lost. I slowly walked up to her and took her hand in mine.

"I'm scared, Carlisle." She whispered her eyes brimming with tears.

I didn't respond, what could I say that would make this better in any way? So I pulled her into my chest and settled my arms around her, comforting her with my touch instead. We stood like that for a few moments, until I could no longer postpone the inevitable.

"It's time to go, sweetheart." I told her quietly. Sighing I kissed her hair and released her until only our hands were linked and started leading her down the stairs.

When we entered the garage Alice and Jasper were standing by the car, quietly saying their goodbyes.

"I'm afraid Edward still isn't back." Esme told Isabella apologetically as she approached us, "I know you would have liked to say goodbye."

"It's okay, Esme. Tell him… tell him I said goodbye?"

"Of course, Bella." Turning she kissed me on the cheek, "Keep her safe, Carlisle." She whispered to me as I handed Isabella into the passenger seat of the Mercedes.

"I will. Please take care of yourself and the children, Esme."

"It's safe for us to go now, Carlisle." Alice declared as she joined Isabella and I in the car, "James took the bait and is following the false trail." I waved my hand in goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie who were standing nervously to the side, and nodded my head at Jasper who had opened the garage door. Then, going as fast as I dared, I started driving down the driveway and onto the highway, heading south on the 101.

We didn't say anything until we were well out of Forks. Alice had a constant vacant expression on her face, looking out for any trouble heading our way, be it patrol cars or something more sinister. Isabella sat clenching her hand tensely, the knuckles turning white from the pressure. I reached my right hand over the center console and placed it on top of hers, feeling her fingers relax instantly under mine.

She laced our hands and I smiled at her reassuringly when she looked up at me uncertainly. We both needed the contact, and frankly I was long past caring if I was being way too affectionate.

"What did you mean when you said that they would be able to keep Charlie safe down on the reservation?" She asked. "How can they keep him safe? I'm pretty sure that James isn't going to care about a treaty you made nearly eighty years ago."

I couldn't stop the small laugh from escaping at her wry humor.

"I can't really tell you why." I paused for a moment, mulling over how much I could reveal, "Just know that they are fully capable of protecting your father."

"If it's the treaty you're worried about, technically Jacob has already broken it."

"That is certainly true, but I can hardly blame him for that." At her puzzled look I grinned, "Using your feminine wiles to persuade a poor, unsuspecting boy to give up all his secrets. How positively devious of you." I said tutting. She sputtered and I smirked at the deep red blush creeping up her cheeks.

She was silent for a few moments, and then an expression that I could only classify as shrewd came over her face. Alice sniggered from the backseat.

"Please Carlisle," she said in a deep throaty voice, lips pouting slightly as she looked up at me through her lashes, "will you not tell me? I will give you anything." She stressed the last word just a bit and lightly began caressing the hand that was still clasped between hers, just small meaningless patterns, but it made my hand feel like it was burning.

 _Oh God._

Never before had I felt so much sympathy for the hapless Quileute boy.

How I wished she would use that voice with me every single day for the rest of our lives.

"Um…" I stuttered. How eloquent a reply, Carlisle, I chided myself. But really, who could blame me for not being able to think straight when she was looking at me like that? I hurriedly took my eyes off her and looked back at the road, we had just passed Queets a few miles back. It had been twilight when we left Forks, and it was completely dark outside by now. Though not for Alice and I, of course.

"Alright," I gave in with a deep sigh, "I will tell you _some,_ but not all." She beamed at her easy victory, but still didn't let go of my hand.

"I gather Edward told you about the treaty?"

"Yes. I was wondering why you had said that Jacob shouldn't have told me." I nodded understandingly.

"What _did_ Jacob tell you? Which legends?"

"Oh, well, the legend of the cold ones."

"What did he tell you specifically?"

"Um, that his own grandfather knew some of them, you and your family, and that you made a treaty stating that you wouldn't cross the border to La Push, and that they in turn wouldn't tell the world about what you were." She said slowly, not understanding where I was going with this.

"And what else?" She looked down at my hand in hers. She still hadn't stopped caressing it.

"He said that your kind are the only enemies of the wolf, or rather werewo…" she slowly trailed off and looked up at me with wide eyes.

"No… Really? They're werewolves?!"

I only smiled enigmatically in response. I knew she would figure it out; she only needed a small push in the right direction.

"Oh. My. God. They're werewolves."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"Close your mouth, Bella, or you're going to catch flies." Alice giggled as she leant forward in her seat.

Isabella closed her mouth with a loud _snap._

"I can't believe they're werewolves."

"Well, if it makes you feel better they are not _true_ werewolves." I said grinning slightly.

"Not _real_ werewolves?" She asked incredulously. It was truly amazing to be able to tell her about the wonders of the world she lived in, yet knew next to nothing about.

"No, real werewolves are only able to change during the full moon, whereas the Quileute wolves can change whenever they please. They are shape shifters who just happen to take the form of giant wolves."

I paused for a few seconds and frowned, "Though, I do feel bad about all those young men whose lives will never be the same again. They must feel so confused during their first change! I knew, at least to some degree, what was happening to me when I went through the change, but they are not prepared in the slightest. They have of course heard of the legends, but your friend Jacob made it _very_ clear that they don't put much stock into what they are told."

She was silent for some time after that, taking it all in.

"Is Jacob a shape shifter?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"No, then he would have known not to share the stories with you." I paused for a second, "But he probably will be soon, he carries the gene after all. He is also nearing the age for the first change."

"He carries the gene? Ephraim was a shifter?"

"Yes, that was when we first came into contact with them, though I thought that they would have been extinct by now. If I had known, we wouldn't have come back."

"Then I'm glad you didn't know." Isabella said and sent me a small smile. Then she became thoughtful again, "Perhaps the change has something to do with the presence of vampires in the area."

"I believe so. It would just be too much of a coincidence if it weren't." Squeezing her hand, I caught her eye and smiled, "and I'm glad I didn't know, too."

We fell silent again, and it wasn't until we crossed into Oregon that Bella broke the silence once again.

"How long do you think I'm going to have to be in hiding?"

"I'm sorry Isabella, but I don't know." I said sighing. "It depends on how good James is at avoiding getting caught. And how talented a tracker he turns out to be."

"What are we going to say to Charlie? He isn't going to want to lay low for long, especially if he doesn't know why. And he'll want to know where I am."

"We will take it one day at a time. For now let's just focus on getting you as far away from Forks as we can while the others deal with James. We will decide what to do about your father when the need arrives, is that okay?" She nodded unconvinced, biting her lower lip "And don't worry about his safety, between the wolves and the family he will be the best protected man in Washington."

At my very poor attempt at lighting the mood she let out a small giggle, and I didn't think I had ever heard a more beautiful sound.

She fell asleep not long after that, head resting up against the window. I frowned, the position looked very uncomfortable, and I was sure she was going to hurt when she woke up.

"You should pull in, Carlisle." Alice said quietly, "I will drive and you can sit with her in the back. I know that you want to have physical contact, so you will _both_ be more comfortable that way." She was of course right. I had had to take back the hand Isabella was holding to drive a few hours ago, and I was _itching_ to touch her again. My mind was screaming at me to hold her, to know that she was safe in my arms.

"Alright." I quickly conceded to the plan.

I gently stopped the car at the next rest stop. Getting out I went to the passenger side and carefully opened the door, cautious not to wake her up. I carried her bridal style to the back seat where I opted to lay down with her nestled up on top of me. I was thankful for the fact that I was a vampire and didn't get physically uncomfortable, or else this would have been an impossible position to stay in for long.

Alice, foreseeing that Isabella would eventually get too cold lying like this, arranged a thick woolen blanket on top of us. Then we were driving again.

I sighed with content at having her in my arms again. Her warm, soft body pressing down on mine, heating me up from the outside while my heart was doing the rest on the inside.

 _I love her_ , I realized. _I truly love her._ It was the first time I had admitted it to myself fully; it was one thing to know that she was my mate, another thing entirely to love her like I now knew I did. I couldn't stop the soft purr coming from deep within my chest.

It wasn't until we reached Nevada that Isabella stirred. I could hear her heart rate elevating, and knew she was about to wake up. I started stroking her back in a soothing manner, hoping to alleviate some of the embarrassment she was sure to feel when she realized she had been sleeping on top of me. She stretched slightly, but then she clearly noticed that she wasn't lying on a car seat as she had thought she was. Her eyes flew open and she looked around in confusion. Then she saw me underneath her and the most delicious red color filled her cheeks. She stared at me with wide eyes for a long moment until I simply couldn't hold in my chuckle at her shocked but still very sleepy face. She went even redder at that, the color spreading down her throat and onto her chest. _I wonder how far down that blush goes…_ My less than savory thoughts were interrupted by Isabella laughing embarrassedly. Looking slightly more alert she went to get up, but my hand resting on her back stopped her movements, and she lay down once again. I could still feel the heat from her flushed skin, though it seemed to be abating, and she seemed to relax once again. She nuzzled her head against my neck and my unbeating heart jumped in my chest. That she would willingly be this close to me made me somewhere near euphoric, and I couldn't keep the joyous grin from face. And I didn't really want to. Somewhere in my mind I knew I should feel ashamed about the fact that I hadn't thought about Esme even once since the events at the baseball game, but I just didn't. It was like a switch in my brain had been turned on, and the only thing that really mattered to me anymore was Isabella's safety and happiness.

I knew of course that it was the mating pull making me act somewhat irrational; I couldn't seem to get a handle on my emotions. I was sure that I would have to deal with the consequences of my actions later, but for now I was going to keep her as close to me as I could, and by God I was going to enjoy it as long as it lasted.

It was only ten minutes later that our quiet serenity was disrupted by Isabella's stomach rumbling. She hadn't eaten since before Portland, and that was many hours ago. She groaned in embarrassment as the loud noise filled the car once again, and sat up leaving me feeling bereft.

"Do you think we can take a break at a rest stop? I desperately need a human moment." She asked, going red again.

"Of course, Bella." Alice said from behind the wheel, and a few miles later she exited the highway and parked the Mercedes in front of a small diner. I handed Isabella out of the car, and while she was stretching her sore muscles, I went to get her bag out of the trunk. The bag in one hand and Isabella in the other we headed into the diner, as Alice went to refuel the car.

"Will you order for me while I take my human moment?" She asked me with a small smile.

"Of course, anything you want in particular?"

"Coffee, please, but I'm sure that anything else you get will be just fine."

I let go of her hand and handed her the bag. After I had ordered her some food, I sat down in one of the small booths and waited for her to finish in the bathroom. When she rejoined me she looked refreshed. She had changed her clothes and was now wearing a knee length dress. She looked stunning. Her choice puzzled me though, since it really wasn't something that she would normally wear.

"Alice." Was the only thing she said as she sat down in the opposite side of the booth.

"Aah…" That explained it. "You look very beautiful." If I had been human I'm sure I would have been blushing.  
As it was she blushed more than enough for the both of us.

"Thank you, Carlisle." She looked up through her lashes and sent me a shy smile that I returned with one of my own.

Our little moment was broken when an elderly waitress arrived with her food.

"Oh, this looks heavenly!" The waitress put the tray with the plates, juice and coffee down and smiled warmly at Bella, clearly happy with the praise.

I hadn't known what to order her, so I had gotten a little of everything, intending to see what she would enjoy the most so I could get it for her the next time.

I sat staring at her as she started eating, the small moans of pleasure she emitted nearly paralyzing me with want. _Would it be too forward of me to put my hand on her knee? To let my hand glide up her leg, making the dress ride up. To see if I could get her to make those same sounds, just by using my hand. To see if I could make her scream?_

I shook my head, ridding my mind of the thoughts. _Yes, Carlisle, it would be too forward._

It didn't make me want it any less, though.

She finished eating much too soon for my liking, but it really was time to get moving anyway, we had stayed for too long as it was.  
Leaving a very generous tip for the kind waitress, I took Isabella's hand and left the diner.

 **...**

 **I generally try to upload a new chapter every 24 hours, but this one was very difficult to write for some reason. I just couldn't seem to find my 'mojo' anywhere. But now it's done, and I'm hoping that the next one will come to me easier.**

 **Ida**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The journey continued.

Alice was still driving and I was sitting in the back set with Isabella. We hadn't talked about our seating arrangements before we got into the car. It had just been a silent agreement between us that we were both more comfortable when we were sat in close proximity to each other. What Bella made of this, for her, inexplicable feeling of contentment, I don't know.

We only stopped two more times before we got to Phoenix, one time to get her some more food and for her to use the restroom, and the second time to refuel the car. All in all, we made good time and it wasn't long before we were driving into Phoenix.

We had chosen a hotel close to the airport just in case we needed to take her even farther away. Alice had timed our arrival perfectly, so that the deep shade of the building prevented any sunlight from reaching us as we got out of the car. I guess there was a reason why Alice had chosen to pack Isabella dresses after all. The heat must be stifling for the poor girl.

We got our bags from the trunk and giving the car keys to a valet, made our way into the cool air of the front lobby. Getting the keys to our room took only a few minutes, and declining the use of a bellboy to carry our bags, we left to find our room. As we walked toward the elevator, I noticed how tired Isabella was looking, slightly dragging her feet.  
When we entered the relative privacy of the elevator Alice nodded her head at me, and I needed no further encouragement to take Isabella in my arms. Lifting her so she was lying nestled against my chest, she looked up at me with a grateful smile and her eyes fell shut. She was asleep before we even reached our floor. Wow, either my arms were very comfortable or she had been even more tired than I had thought.

"Both." Alice said simply, a small grin on her face.

I carried Bella to our room, and putting her down on the soft bed, lay down next to her, enjoying the warmth of her pressed against my side. Just as well since she hadn't actually let go of me yet.

It was almost 9 hours later when Alice rose from her spot on the sofa and declared that she was going to go call Jasper. I was slightly bewildered since she had already called him a few hours ago to tell him that we had arrived safely at our hotel, but then again this was Alice, she did things I didn't understand all the time.

All thoughts of Alice left my mind when Isabella woke up only a few minutes later. She turned her head from its position on my chest and looked at me with bleary eyes. Groaning she got off the bed and went to the bathroom, coming back a short while later, looking much more awake. I still hadn't left the bed, and held my hand out for her to join me on it yet again. She lay back down next to me and nestled herself up against my side. Resting her head on my arm, I caressed her bare shoulder and felt her sigh in contentment.

I didn't know what Bella made of the more physically affectionate side of me, but she thankfully didn't seem to be adverse to it. I knew that she was scared right now, and that my presence comforted her greatly, but I was still uncertain as to what she _felt_ for me, if she felt anything at all – romantically that is. Did she see me strictly as Edward's father? _Her_ father? The thought was unbearable.  
 _And also not true in the least, Carlisle_ , my inner voice corrected me. I _knew_ that she was sexually attracted to me. That much had become clear over the time we had known each other, since I had smelt the heavenly scent of her arousal several times.

She wanted me too.

I relaxed at that realization, and I knew I couldn't keep the goofy look off my face.

"What are you smiling about?" Isabella asked from beside me. She had her own silly smile on her face, and the sight of her happiness made me feel even more elated.

"Nothing in particular. Just thinking about a certain human female I know." I winked at her.

"Oh, really?" she asked saucily, "And do I know said female?"

"Yes, I do believe you do." I paused for a long moment. "You _have_ met Mrs. Newton, right?"

I laughed loudly at my poor joke and she elbowed me hard in the stomach. I pretended to be winded, though she was most likely the one getting the bruises.

"Jerk."

"Isabella! You wound me!" I dramatically placed my hand where my heart would have been beating.

"Well, you deserved it."

I did my best to adopt the look of a wounded puppy.

"Oh, stop looking at me like that!" She said and I pouted even more.

"Alright! I'm sorry! Are you happy now?" She gave in a few seconds later.

"Very!" I grinned victoriously.

"I still think you're a jerk, though."

I immediately started attacking her with my fingers, determined to tickle her until she admitted defeat.

"Stop, stop, STOP! I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!" She cried out breathlessly, and I stopped tickling her.

Coming back to my senses, I realized the precarious position we were in. I had somehow ended up on top of her, my arms on either side of her body, resting between her spread legs, her dress ridden up to her hips to accommodate me. Her hands were placed on my chest and stomach, positioned there to push me away. But now they felt more like they were there to explore me instead.

And that was what they did. Looking at me with slightly glazed eyes, she slowly trailed them up and down, feeling the muscles through my shirt. After a few seconds she started unbuttoning it, and I couldn't stop her. Soon all the buttons were popped, and then she was touching me and all rational thought left my mind. I knew that I was betraying Edward and Esme, but I couldn't seem to actually care. It felt like there was no other choice, I _had_ to keep touching her.

Her bare hands on my naked chest were truly the best thing I had ever felt, her fingers exploring every ridge and muscle, feeling them quake underneath her soft touch.

I couldn't stand being passive anymore, and groaning I pressed my now prominent erection against the junction of her thighs.

She moaned breathlessly at the feeling, and wanting more friction she started meeting my small thrusts. The heat I felt emanating from her core was absolutely delicious.  
I wanted to bury myself in that heat.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had lowered my head and my mouth was hovering just above hers, feeling her soft exhales on my skin. Then our lips met and my world stood still. But it wasn't enough, I needed more. My tongue stroked her lower lip and she opened her mouth to let me in. God, she tasted _so_ sweet! I couldn't think straight anymore. Caressing her tongue with my own, I let my hands wander over her, touching her like I have always wanted to.

Having lifted her dress over her head, one of my hands tangled itself into her hair while the other started caressing her bare stomach. She moaned against my lips at the feeling and I lifted her legs so they rested around my hips. The new position giving me better access, I began thrusting a little harder and faster against her, making us both moan loudly. My hand on her stomach moved upwards and began caressing her breast, enjoying the feeling of the soft mound in my palm. Tweaking and pinching her nipples with my hand, I kissed my way down her neck, trailing over her collarbone. Finally I closed my mouth around one of the hard pebbles and felt her arch off the bed, offering herself to me more fully.

I groaned loudly when I felt one of her hands caressing me through my pants, while the other fought desperately to unbuckle my belt. Succeeding in her task I finally felt her hand touch me, and I almost came then and there. The fingers around me were _so_ hot, and I began thrusting mindlessly into her hand.

I needed to touch more of her.

My hand left her hair and trailed down between her legs. When her underwear encumbered further exploration I just ripped them to pieces. My fingers trailed through the soft hair and continued down to her folds.  
She was dripping for me.  
I was not in the mood for teasing; I wanted her to come, and I wanted her to come now.

I pushed first one finger and then another inside her wet heat. _God, she is so tight._ I wanted to see how she looked when she came, so removing my lips from her breast and looking down into her face, I started thrusting my fingers in and out of her at a fast pace and pressed down hard on her swollen clit. I had once thought that the sound of her laughter was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, but now I knew that that wasn't true. It was her scream of ecstasy as she reached her peak, contracting almost painfully around my fingers. I had never heard or seen anything more overwhelmingly, breathtakingly beautiful in my entire life.

I slowly pulled my fingers out of her and brought them to my mouth. Still looking her in the eyes I licked them clean, moaning at the taste of her sweet juices.

I lowered my head toward her neck, I wanted, _needed_ to mark her. My lips were nibbling on her soft flesh, preparing to make her mine when I paused. She loved my son, and if I did this without her consent she would _hate_ me. I heard Alice coming back towards the room, and  
I redirected my lips and kissed her softly on the forehead. With an apologetic smile I lifted myself off of her and made us both presentable again, desperately willing my still achingly hard erection to abate. Taking her hand in mine I lay down next to her once again. She was staring up into the ceiling, looking slightly dazed and confused when Alice came into the room, cellphone in hand and a worried expression on her face.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked seriously as the thoughts of what I had just done with Isabella flew from my mind.

"It's James. He got away."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"He got away? Can you not see him?" Isabella sat up quickly, looking alarmed.

"Yes, they lost him in Oregon, close to the border of Nevada." Alice answered her frantic questions. "And I do see him, but the images I'm getting are all so jumbled and confusing I don't understand what they mean."

"The Nevada border?" I asked apprehensively. Nevada meant that he was close, certainly closer than I would've liked. "Do you think he is coming here?"

"I'm not sure, Carlisle." She was thoughtful for a long moment, "I don't see anything that indicates that he is coming to Phoenix. Like I said before, nothing I see makes any sense."

I relaxed marginally and I could feel Isabella do the same next to me. I could still smell the scent of her arousal on the bed, on her clothes, _on myself_ , and it was getting harder and harder for me to concentrate, knowing that she wasn't in any immediate danger.

Isabella's growling stomach brought me out of my thoughts.

"Why don't you go get a shower and a fresh change of clothes while I call room service?"

She smiled at me gratefully and left for the bathroom while I picked up the phone and made the order.

"You did the right thing by not marking her yet, Carlisle." Alice said quietly after she heard the shower turn on, "She wasn't ready."

"I know." I sighed heavily, "It's just… d-did I _dazzle_ her? Is that why she let me touch her like that?"

"No, Carlisle, you didn't, she genuinely wanted you too. But she is overwhelmed and confused right now, she feels drawn to you and she doesn't understand why." She paused for a few seconds, "she thinks Edward is her mate."

I growled loudly at the notion. _She is MINE_ the vampire inside me snarled. It was trying to force me to walk into the bathroom, push her against the nearest wall and make her see that she belonged to me, to _us._

I, of course, wouldn't. I was so utterly in love with her that the idea of taking her without her absolute consent was inconceivable. I wanted her to love me too. I had taken it too far with her earlier, but I just hadn't been able to stop myself. My mind had gone blank, and the only thing getting through was the need to give my mate pleasure. What if she regretted it?  
I had essentially forced her to be unfaithful to Edward, my _son_. He will be absolutely enraged when he finds out. Something _this_ important would be very difficult to conceal from him. I had initially thought that I could keep my feelings for her a secret, and I thought I had succeeded, but looking back I was becoming more and more unsure.  
He had been acting more and more possessive and had gotten progressively angrier when I was around, even when Isabella wasn't anywhere near us.

"Bella has just decided that she wants to talk to me privately, but she wont do it if she thinks you are listening in."

"Alright," I exhaled, I really didn't want to leave Isabella, but if it was what she wanted then it was what I was going to do, "I will go loiter in the hallways, but I can't promise that I wont hear what you're saying." I would of course try not to, but I wasn't sure if I could avoid it altogether, because although the hotel was sizeable it simply wasn't large enough.

"That will be fine," she paused for a moment, "but I have to warn you, Carlisle, you're not going to like what she has to say."

I frowned unhappily at her words, though they didn't surprise me.

"Just try to remember that she doesn't know what is going on, and that she is confused about what you did earlier." She sighed. "You have to go now, she is just about finished."

I left the room feeling dejected. Would my mate hate me for what I did? I guess I would know soon enough. I sighed discontentedly, I wasn't sure I really wanted to know, but there was no helping it. The strong Phoenix sun was glaring outside so I couldn't very well leave the hotel to make sure their conversation was out of my hearing range.

I swiftly found an empty conference room at the other side of the large building, but I could still clearly hear what was going on inside the room.

"Alice, where is Carlisle?" The sweet voice of my mate said when she got out of the bathroom.

"He is not here. I sent him away when I saw that you wanted to talk to me." She answered honestly, there was no need to make up excuses since Isabella would have known that Alice saw what we did earlier.

"Oh, alright." Her relief was obvious and I looked down on my hands desolately.

"I… I mean… did you…? Oh Alice, what have I done?" The distress and misery I heard in her voice was utterly heartbreaking. "How could I do that to Edward? He is going to _hate_ me." She was crying now and I desperately wanted to run to her and comfort her as best as I could. But that would hardly be helpful now; surely she must blame me for putting her through this.

"And Esme… Esme will be so hurt. How is she ever going to forgive me for being responsible for her husband being unfaithful? I don't understand what's going on, Alice! I love Edward, I _love_ him, and I almost had sex with his… his _father_? How could I do that? I'm a horrible person." She took deep, gulping breaths trying to get control of her tears.

"Carlisle, _oh God,_ he must be absolutely disgusted about what I made him do!" I looked up from my hands, thoroughly surprised by her words as well as her anguished tone. She thought I was _disgusted_ with her? That couldn't be farther from the truth!

"Bella, it's all going to be alright." Alice interrupted her frantic weeping in a gentle voice. "Esme is not going to blame you for this, she will understand. Edward… I'm not going to lie. Edward is going to be _very_ angry when he finds out." Isabella gave a loud sob at the words, and I heard Alice put her arms around her, trying to soothe her.

"When will he be here, Alice? I miss him." The words made my dead heart ache, but I understood. Even after I had made it abundantly clear that I saw her as something more, much more, than the girlfriend of my son, she wanted, she _loved_ Edward, not me. The thought sent shooting pain into my chest, briefly paralyzing me with the intensity of my torment, my heartbreak. I breathed through the pain.

"It wont be long now. He, Emmett and Rose are on their way, and are going to be here tomorrow morning. He will find out about you and Carlisle soon after he arrives, but I promise you, Bella, I promise that everything will end well. All is going to be as it should be and we will _all_ be happy." Her words were as much for Isabella as they were for me, and they calmed some of the anguish inside me.

A few minutes later Isabella's breakfast arrived, and since they appeared to have finished their conversation I began making my way back towards the room. I walked slowly, breathing through the remnants of the pain in my chest, trying to gather the strength to not give away the hurt I was feeling. It would only serve to make Isabella unhappier, something I desperately didn't want to happen.  
Some time later when I felt that my mask of indifference was in place, I made my way to the door of the room and went inside.

Isabella, having finished eating, was sitting cross-legged on the bed.  
The bed on which I had almost marked her, the bed we had almost made love in. How I wanted to kiss her like I had before, to see her face in flushed rapture as I brought her over the edge again and again. Quickly stamping those thoughts down I finally looked at her face. She was looking at me anxiously, gauging whether I was angry with her. She really did think I disgusted with her. I smiled at her softly, reassuringly, and watched as her whole body relaxed and a smile lit up her beautiful face.

"Don't act any different than you would normally do." Alice whispered to me, too low for a human to hear.

I made my way towards the bed and taking her hand lay down beside her. I could feel the apprehension and nervousness leave her entirely as she relaxed against me. Being this close to her made me feel contented, whole.

I didn't let her leave my side again that day except for when she had to use the bathroom; I simply couldn't bear it. I knew that when Edward found out about what we had done, what _I_ had almost done, that he wouldn't let me anywhere near her again for a very long time. And if this was going to be the last time that I was going to be this close to her, and I suspected that it was, then I was going to make the most of the opportunity and have as much physical contact as possible. And I could feel that she wanted it too.  
I think she knew that she wasn't going to see much of me anymore after she was reunited with Edward. I frowned deeply at the thought and pulled her body closer to mine, reveling in the warmth and breathing in her scent.

 **…**

 **I'm so sorry, I know it has been a week now, but I have unfortunately been sick, and so not felt up to the task of looking at my brightly lit computer screen. I have essentially just been lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, feeling immensely sorry for myself, and drowning my sorrows in cup after cup of some obscure German tea.  
Hope you're all well!**

 **Ida**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

During the long, but not long enough, night of holding the sleeping Isabella in my arms, I analyzed the situation I found myself in. Yesterday we had planned the when and where, and had chosen to meet the others in the airport. I will not deny that I was hoping that the very public venue of our meeting place would stem some of Edward's wrath. I knew it was inevitable, but it would at the very least postpone it for a bit. Hopefully he wouldn't make a scene right in the middle of a crowd of people in the always busy Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. Perhaps it was in vain, Edward was nothing if not childish. I thanked my lucky stars that Esme would still be in Forks looking after Charlie, so that she wouldn't have to witness it. Her knowing was also inevitable. Edward would most definitely tell her, probably in a fit of rage, and I certainly didn't want that. I wanted to tell her myself. I hoped that he wouldn't, if not for _my_ sake then for Esme's, his mother. I sighed inwardly. I knew he would. He was juvenile enough to tell her out of spite for me, not caring, or rather too stubborn not to.

I immediately felt bad about my uncharitable thoughts, but I could not deny the truth of them any longer. This whole debacle had truly opened my eyes, not only to the faults of my eldest son, but also to the inescapability of my feelings for Isabella. She was mine.  
Or more accurately; I was hers.  
And I always would be.  
If, in the end, she chose to be with Edward, I would stand down. I sincerely, and perhaps selfishly, hoped that she wouldn't, but if she did I would accept it. I also knew that I would always have hope. Hope that when she was turned it would open her eyes. And that that in turn would open her heart. Knowing Edward though, he would postpone her turning for as long as he possibly could.  
Perhaps forever.  
Of course it really wasn't his place to decide whether or not she should be changed, but he could be rather forceful when he wanted something.

The confusion rolling off of the woman sleeping in my arms was almost palpable; I could virtually hear her brain trying to come up with solutions to the enigma in front of her, even in her sleep.  
 _'Perhaps I should just tell her',_ a voice in my head whispered. But I couldn't. If I told her she would feel obligated. And I wanted her to fall in love with me on her own accord, not because she felt that she had to, that she had no choice in the matter.  
Because she did have a choice, and I would make sure that she knew that. I would do anything to make her happy, even if it meant denying myself.

 _I guess I'm just too good._ I almost laughed aloud at that ridiculous thought. I wasn't good. The fact that I was, at this very moment, lying in bed with my son's girlfriend was proof enough of that.

"It's time to wake her up, Carlisle. We have to leave soon." Alice interrupted my burdensome thoughts. I sighed heavily; I didn't want her to leave my embrace. Couldn't this night just continue forever?

"Isabella, sweetheart, it's time to wake up." I said lowly, trying to wake her up as gently as possible.

"Nooo…" The girl in my arms groaned tiredly, and I couldn't help the chuckle that left my throat; the sleepy expression on her face was truly adorable. When she heard my laugh she narrowed her eyes at me and pouted her mouth prettily, and all I wanted to do was lean down and capture her lips between my own, lick them with my tongue before plunging into her sweet cavern. Damn it, I was getting hard again. Isabella, being so close to me, felt my reaction all too clearly. Her eyes flew to mine, widening when she noticed I was staring at intently at her lips, and her small, pink tongue darted out to wet them. I groaned softly and closed my eyes tightly; we really didn't have time for this.  
I didn't want to let her go but knew that I had to, so I loosened my hold on her, and she scrambled out of my arms, hurrying towards the bedroom. I heard the shower turn on and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. This day was going to be difficult enough without me sporting a rather blatant hard-on, flaunting my desire for Isabella for all the world to see.

She soon finished in the bathroom and joined a newly changed Alice and I in the other room, and after packing the rest of our bags, and paying for our stay at the hotel, we went to meet the others.

…

By the time we arrived at the airport and had parked the car, Isabella's stomach was growling angrily, protesting the lack of food provided this morning.

"Why don't you sit down and have some breakfast, Bella?" Alice suggested and pointed towards a small café located near the entrance of the enormous building. "Carlisle, you need to go wait for them in the arrival hall." Then she whispered lowly enough that Bella wouldn't hear, "Trust me, it will be better this way. If he sees you and Bella together he will be furious. As it is, he will still be _very_ angry, but it won't be quite as..." she paused, contemplating how to end the sentence, "explosive."

I winced imperceptibly at her last words. I didn't want my son to hate me, and he undoubtedly would when he read my less than noble thoughts concerning Isabella.

"Where are you going, Alice?" Bella inquired, interrupting my heavy thoughts.

"I need to make some arrangements for the future." She answered cryptically, as she turned away from us and walked out the building, not elaborating further on her enigmatic statement.

I shook my head in amused exasperation; Alice never changed. I shared a confused look with Bella before escorting her to what looked like the least crowded café in the busy airport.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay, sweetheart?" I asked her when she had sat down. I would gladly brave the proverbial maelstrom of anger and animosity Edward would unleash on me if she didn't want me to leave her.

"I'm sure, Carlisle." She said as she placed her small, warm hand on top of mine and squeezed, then she laughed lightly, "Besides, it's just breakfast, what could possibly happen?"  
When she was the dubious look on my face she hit my arm indignantly.  
"Carlisle! I know I'm clumsy, but I doubt I'm going to choke or anything. Besides, I have my phone, I will call you or Alice if something happens."

"I doubt a phone is going to help if you are truly choking, Bella." I countered lightheartedly.

"Just go." She shooed me away, and I laughed at the mock-sullen expression she was wearing.

I could see the wisdom in separating me from Isabella. When I was with her I couldn't control my thoughts, and worse, feelings. But without her there I had a chance of, if not completely avoiding Edward finding out, then at least downplaying what I was feeling for her. And what we had done. As if on command my thoughts immediately wandered to the very actions that had landed me here in the first place. I could still vividly recall the feel of Isabella's soft mouth, her silken tongue entangling with mine.

Shaking the wayward thoughts from my mind, I closed my eyes and kissed her forehead in goodbye, and with a light squeeze of her hand I left the table. It would probably be the last time I would be allowed any substantial amount of time alone with her.

At least for a while.  
A long while.

Sighing inwardly I began the trek towards the arrival hall. Making my way through the bustling crowds, I looked at the watch on my arm. A watch gifted to me only a few years ago by Esme. _God, how could I do this to my wife?_ How could I be so selfish? I knew that she would forgive me easily when she found out what I had done. Certainly a lot sooner than I deserved, but things would never be the same again, how could they be? And I didn't want them to be the same. I was beginning to think that it would be better to be alone than to live a lie like I had done up until now.

I knew in that moment that I had come to a decision.  
I could no longer stay married to Esme.

The thought made me melancholy, but it was time. My behavior was inexcusable, and it wasn't fair to Esme to stay with her when I no longer loved her. At least not in the way a husband should love his wife. The repercussions of a divorce between us would be severe, but we would come out of the ordeal as friends, I had no doubts about that.  
How the rest of the family would react, I was far less certain of.

Rosalie would certainly be angry about what I had done, but whether or not she would want to leave, I just didn't know. And if _she_ left, Emmett would of course follow, no matter how he felt about the matter.  
 _I_ certainly wouldn't leave. I didn't think I could stand the loneliness, not after so many years of being a part of such a large family.

 _'_ _Though_ ,' a small voice in the back of my head couldn't help but say, ' _if Isabella chose to be with me instead of Edward and the family wouldn't want us with them, I would gladly leave them all behind.'_

Anything to be able to feel her heat, to kiss her, to smell her sweet arousal as I had in the hotel just a few short hours ago.

"What?!"

 **I know, I know. This update was entirely too long in the making. I have no excuse, other than I simply had no idea what to write, and so instead of powering through, did as I do best and pushed it to the back of my mind.**

 **I hope you are all well!**

 **Ida**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The thunderous voice of Edward cut right through my rather delinquent thoughts, and I could do nothing but stare, frozen in my steps as he made his way towards me, a furious look in his eyes. Emmett and Rose trailed behind him, confused expressions on their faces.

"You did what?" Edwards roaring exclamation and menacing demeanour were beginning to attract unwanted attention from the humans around us.

His semi-loud snarls didn't help matters either. The faster we could collect Isabella and get out of the crowded airport the better. I scarcely dared think about how he would have reacted if we hadn't been amongst a sea of humans. As it was, it looked like he very much wanted to rip my throat out. As if to reiterate that thought he took a threatening step closer, snarling a bit louder. Too loud.

Where the people had before known instinctively to avoid him, they were now actively trying to get away from him, scattering in all directions.

"Edward, you will control yourself while we are in public." I asserted in a low voice, leaving no room for argument. He didn't seem to relax at my command, quite the opposite in fact. He looked angrier than ever but nevertheless stopped growling. Attention from the Volturi because of an incident in a crowded airport would not be helpful. Though it rankled me to do it, I turned my back to him and started towards the café where I had left Isabella.

"You left her at a café? Alone?"

'She can take care of herself, Edward.'

After a few tense moments, in which I didn't know whether or not he was going to attack me from behind, he reluctantly began following me. I could hear Emmett and Rose heatedly discussing what had just happened, the bewilderment and surprise evident in their voices. I couldn't blame them for their curiosity. Edward and I had always been close, more brothers than anything, though we had begun drifting apart as of late, a result of Isabella's involvement in our lives, no doubt. I wouldn't change it for anything, though. Meeting her in that hospital was the single most momentous event of my life. Having her in my life, in whatever capacity she chose was paramount to my continued existence, Edward be damned. Of course, I would rather everything was resolved amicably, but there was little chance of that happening now. Hopefully, the temporary truce between Edward and I would last long enough to get us away from any onlookers. I didn't particularly relish the thought of Isabella being caught in the middle of a possible fight, but at this point, it seemed implausible that she wouldn't. She would want to be there, despite the potential jeopardy it could put her in. Not that I would ever voluntarily let her come to any harm, and if she was caught in the cross-fire, I would do everything possible to make sure she wasn't hurt. It's not that I thought that Edward would knowingly put her in danger, but his temper could be volatile, and there were no guarantees. Especially around a fragile human girl like Isabella, even the smallest amount of our strength could prove detrimental to her physical well-being.

He growled angrily at my thoughts and I sighed deeply.

'What do you want me to say, Edward? You know it's true.'

That only intensified his growling.

Perhaps antagonising him further was a poor decision, even if my thoughts did have merit. Maybe I wasn't being completely fair either, he had done remarkably well with Bella this far after all. She hadn't yet been physically hurt, neither purposely nor otherwise. Emotionally, though, I wasn't quite so sure. I would never forget her crying in my arms when she came to my office after his hurtful comment. For though it had been my admonishment that had started the actual tears, the fact that Edward had allowed her to feel, made her believe that she was worth less than us, had been the true cause of her distress.

As soon as I neared the café I could feel something was wrong. Very wrong.

I couldn't smell her beautiful scent, couldn't feel her soothing presence anywhere. Her half-eaten breakfast was still on the table, but there was too little of it eaten for her to have left it purposely to wander around the nearby stores.

"Where is she, Carlisle?" Edward cut through my distressed thoughts.

"I – I don't know." I looked around frantically, desperately trying to locate her in the crowd.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Rose joined the conversation, uneasiness colouring her words.

"She has gone to meet James." Alice was suddenly right I front of us, an apprehensive look on her face. She focused on the future for a moment, and her expression glazed over briefly. "She will be there in a few minutes."

Her eyes focused on us again.

"We need to go." With that, she turned around and hurried towards the underground parking area we left the car. We all followed her as quickly as we could while still careful not to raise too much awareness of ourselves, and we were almost there when she without turning around said, "Edward, you need to go rent another car. Meet us at her old ballet studio, that's where she has gone." I remembered when Isabella had talked about her short stint as a ballet dancer, how awful she had thought it was, and how relieved she had been when it had all ended when she had fallen and broken her wrist.

"What? I'm not going anywhere, Alice."

"We are going to need the car later on, and you will be there in time, don't worry."

"Why can't Emmett do it? Or Carlisle?" The glower aimed in my direction told me just how much he wanted me gone in that moment, and despite how panicked I was I couldn't help but feel a deep stab of pain in my chest. My oldest friend truly hated me now.

"We are going to need Emmett's strength and Carlisle's medical expertise. So, please, just trust me, and do as I say, we don't have much time left." With that, she opened the passenger side door, got in and sat down.

"But…"

"Now, Edward." I interrupted what was sure to be another refusal. After a small pause, he sent me a hard stare and turned around and headed towards one of the car rental services. While our little confrontation had been going on, Rose and Emmett had gotten into the backseat of the car, and I took a deep breath and sat down in the driver's seat. It didn't take me long to get out of the parking facility, and we were soon thereafter out of the airport entirely.

"You knew, didn't you?" Rose asked Alice after a few minutes on the road.

She didn't answer.

I whipped my head around, staring at Alice imploringly, almost pleading her with my eyes to say it wasn't true. The silence stretched as she looked at me somberly.

"Alice…?" The uncertainty in my voice was plain to hear.

"Yes, I did."

My entire body tensed as anger swept through me. I gripped the steering wheel so tightly it started giving, and I released my hold a tiny amount, but letting go of my rage was much, much harder.

"What did you do, Alice?" My words sounded hateful even to my own ears, but I was beyond caring.

"I'm so sorry, but there was no other way. He would have found her eventually. No matter what we did he was always there, and he wouldn't ever have stopped, Carlisle! He would have gotten her mom, then her stepdad and then Charlie. And if the sorrow and guilt didn't kill her first, he definitely would have one day in the not so distant future. This way the outcome has the least potential for death."

"Least?!" I almost roared. How dare she orchestrate an event that put my mate directly in harm's way? She hadn't said anything about Isabella not getting hurt at all, so she would most likely suffer some injury or other, fatal or not.

The anger and panic were steadily rising inside me, but I knew it was paramount that I didn't let it take over; instead I let it power my determination.

I would find her, and I would find James, and I would make sure he never came after her or anyone else ever again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The drive to the ballet studio felt like it took years, though in reality it couldn't have been more than 20 minutes. What could James have done to her in those long minutes? Alice had said that she would need medical attention. Immediately, pictures of her mutilated body, beaten, broken and bloodied came unbidden into my head. What if we were too late? A life without her in it would not be worth living.

"Carlisle, we are almost there." Alice said, interrupting my despondent thoughts, and she pointed to a building just up ahead. I instantly began searching the street for a parking spot in the shade, but couldn't locate one. The sun was too high in the sky for that.

"Fuck this." The panic and impatience became too much, and I pulled up directly in front of the building and got out of the car. I vaguely registered the fact that the others were following my example, but I didn't pause to wait for them. Fearful of what I would find, I pulled open the door and was instantaneously met with the sweet smelling scent of Isabella's blood. I couldn't help the small gasp that left me. The smell was too potent; she must have already lost a great deal of blood. I could feel the monster rising inside me, not because of the blood itself – I was far beyond that now. But someone had _dared_ to hurt her _._ Sending up a prayer to a God I wasn't too sure I believed in anymore, a prayer that I wouldn't be too late, I silently but rapidly crept further inside, the anger steadily increasing with every step I took.

But it wouldn't do to give my presence away too soon, Jasper had taught me that much. Especially since I didn't want to just rescue Isabella but also kill the _bastard_ who had her. He wouldn't be leaving here tonight, I would make sure of that. And I would enjoy it. Like I had enjoyed hurting those two men from Port Angeles.

All thoughts of revenge were silenced when I opened the doors to the dance studio itself.

Isabella was lying in a broken heap on the floor surrounded by shattered glass and blood. At that moment I didn't care at all whether James was lying in wait, the only thing I could think of was getting to her and make sure she was still alive. I ran towards her, but out of the corner of my eye I could see a shadow moving rapidly in my direction.

It only made me run faster.

I had to protect her.

Just as I got to her, the shadow reached me. Growling I got into a low crouch in front of Bella and turned around to face him. He had blood smeared all over his face, _her_ blood. Though the eldest, I had never been the strongest in my family, but the rage I felt cursing through my body made me more feral than I had ever been before. More than in the clearing when we first met James.

 _More than in the hospital when I first met Isabella._

When he smiled at me and moved slightly closer I finally lost it. In an instant I propelled myself against him, taking him by surprise and throwing him halfway across the room. I couldn't help the self satisfied smirk that graced my lips, but in that moment Isabella moaned in pain.

" _Carlisle…_ "

I turned away from James and ran back to her just as the others came into the room and took over my fight with him. Getting on my knees I lightly caressed her cheek before I began assessing her wounds.

The damage done to her body was immense.

She was littered in cuts and bruises, each one worse than the previous. It looked like he had wanted to have his fun with her before he finally ended it. I couldn't help the shudder that went through me when I thought about what she must have gone through. What he must have done to make these marks appear on her body. How, if the shoe-formed bruise was any indication, he had snapped her leg by stepping on it. The self-same leg had a large piece of mirror sticking out of it, and after deliberating for a second I quickly stood up and pulled off my belt. Before she could even recognise the pain, I had pulled the shard out and had tightened the belt around her leg as a tourniquet.

" _Carlisle…_ " the weak voice of my mate cut through my concentration. "My mom… He said that he had my mom. He didn't, did he? I'm so sorry." The tears were streaming down her face, leaving small tracts through blood on her face.

"It's all right, sweetheart, I'm here now, and no, he did not."

We looked at each other for a long while, both trying to convey our feelings of regret to the other. Her for believing him and not telling me the second he called, and me for letting her get away. This continued until she finally broke the spell with a pained hiss.

"It hurts."

"I know – you look a fright." I responded with a small smile, trying for levity though I was still very worried and very angry. She smiled a bit, the humour brightening her face for a short moment until it turned in to a pained frown.

"My arm…" she whispered while looking at her right arm, and I hastily pulled up the sleeve on her shirt.

I could smell it immediately.

Venom.

The _bastard_ had bit her. I was going to kill him. I looked up to see where he was, but all I could see was a pyre in the middle of the room. I was too late and the others had already dealt with him. Damn.

"Carlisle, it really hurts!" she whimpered and my focus snapped back to her. Back to where it belonged; revenge wasn't important when I had to look after my mate.

I carefully smelled the wound, and it seemed the venom was rapidly making its way through her bloodstream. It wouldn't be long until the damage was irreversible. The selfish part of my brain was overjoyed at the prospect of her becoming one of us. It would mean that I wouldn't have to hide my feelings anymore. But it would also mean that feelings would get hurt, and it would mostly be my fault.

Because although I had no control over the mating itself, I could have chosen to leave when I found out. I probably should have.

But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get myself to regret that I stayed. And I knew all the hurt I would cause would be worth it in the end. Because I would have her and she would have me.

"I don't want to be a vampire."

That pulled me right back out of my thoughts, and I looked at her with what can only be described as an astonished expression. At my failure to respond she looked at me and her eyes widened almost comically when she saw my reaction.

"No! I mean, not yet!"

The relief I felt must have been noticeable, because she stretched her good arm out and caressed my cheek lightly with her blood stained hand. Placing a small kiss on her palm I covered her hand with my own and held it reverently to my face.

"Bella? Get your hands off of her, Carlisle!"

Sighing I turned my head to face an irate Edward, moving our joined hand away from my face. But I didn't let Bella remove her hand from me entirely, choosing instead to simply hold it between my own. We both needed the contact right now, no matter how it made Edward feel. He snarled angrily at my thoughts, but I didn't give damn.

"Carlisle, you need to do it soon, if you don't want her to change." Alice said, coming to stand just beside Bella and I.

"She has been bitten?! How could you allow this to happen, Carlisle?" My eldest son screeched at me, a clear look of contempt on his face.

"It wasn't his fault, Edward." Isabella's voice sounded weaker, and I knew I didn't have long left until I had to act.

"I don't want you anywhere near her! I will do it." Edward proclaimed and moved towards us. Even if he hadn't looked as out of it as he did, I wouldn't have let him come any closer to my mate when she was hurt like this, and I snarled loudly and moved in front of her, effectively cutting of his access to her.

"YOUR WHAT? She's MINE!"

"Carlisle, now, or you wont make it in time." Alice warned me.

"Emmett, Rosalie, hold him back." With that last command I turned my back towards them all and picked up her injured arm. Keeping eye contact I lowered my mouth and sealed it over the wound.

The first sips were bitter because of the venom, venom that wasn't mine, but after a few moments the blood cleared and I could taste it all.

It was glorious.

There was no other way to explain it. It tasted like what I would imagine the must succulent and delicious wine tasted like to humans. But richer and sweeter and smoother. Just perfect. Just her.

I moaned loudly enough that she could hear, and her eyes darkened perceptively at the sound, and I was immediately transported back to our hotel room. To our bed. To what we had done earlier just that morning.

 _God, I want her._

A loud roar woke me from the trance like state I had immersed myself in, and with a small last sip of her blood, I removed my mouth from her arm, earning a small whimper from her in the process.

Still looking her in the eyes I carefully licked my lips, making sure every last drop of her blood was savoured, and her eyes, now staring intently on my lips, darkened even further.

"Thank you, Carlisle." Her voice sounded decidedly rough, but whether it was from the pain or the arousal I wasn't certain. Edward, on the other hand, made his displeasure with the sound known by hissing, and I didn't have to guess at which one _he_ thought was the cause.

"You're welcome, sweetheart." I answered in a voice sounding exactly like hers.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

If I hadn't been a vampire, the next 30 minutes would have felt like they passed in a blur. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky and I was very much aware of every agonising second.

A lot of things had to be done. We had to make sure James was completely gone – every single part of him – and then we had to burn the studio to the ground. Leaving traces wasn't an option, not unless we wanted the Volturi to come looking. And, to make it all the more unbearable, while trying to organise arson I had to endure the hate-filled stares coming from Edward's direction. Every dirty look sent stabs of pain through me, every hiss directed towards me filled me with guilt. But it didn't matter; My first priority was getting Isabella to the nearest hospital as quickly as possible. I could deal with the pain.

Not that I deserved any less.

I had let my son down.

Bella might not be his in every sense of the word, but as much as it pained me to admit to myself, she wasn't mine either. Not in the ways it truly counted.

She had to _choose_ me first.

"She never will, you know." Came the rather spiteful retort from Edward, his face scrunched up in disgust at my thoughts.

We were both sitting beside Bella's hospital bed where she was currently sleeping soundly. She looked slightly better, not quite as pale as earlier thanks to the blood transfusion she had received when we arrived.

I took a deep breath before responding, desperately trying not to think about the feel of her blood that I could still taste at the back of my tongue, it wouldn't help to remind him of the fact that her blood was now inside me, however small the amounts.

"Perhaps she won't," the mere idea of her not choosing me was terrifying and the ache I had felt all day paled in comparison to what I was feeling now, "but perhaps she will. It's up to her." I looked at her beautiful face, selfishly praying that she wouldn't cut me out of her life after what had occurred at the hotel.

"And what about Esme?" Edward snarled, an ugly sneer distorting his picturesque features. "Or have you completely forgotten about your _wife_?"

"Of course I haven't forgotten about Esme, Edward." I sighed, something I seemed to be doing a lot lately. "But… I don't know… I'm at a loss at what to do."

"I think you should leave." The nonchalant tone of voice sent a throb of panic rippling through me. "Leave and don't come back until Bella has lived a normal life, a _human_ life, to the end."

Now the panic turned to horror, and I looked at him with wide eyes, taking in the coldness in his face.

"I'm sorry, Edward, but I'm not going anywhere," I took another deep breath, drawing in the comforting scent of Bella, "not unless she tells me to."

If I had still been human my heart would have been racing. Instead, my mind immediately conjured up images of a possible future where she did indeed tell me to leave her alone, a future where she told me she chose Edward over me. A lonely, cold, and horrifying future. I wouldn't die, not as long as she was alive, but I wouldn't really live either, not without her.

It was a very bleak prospect, and the mere thought of it sent shivers of dread and fear down my back. I closed my eyes and tried to dispel the depressing images from my mind before they festered.

"I don't know what is going to happen, son, but no matter what nothing can change the fact that I love her." He narrowed his eyes threateningly at my words and opened his mouth to argue, but I didn't want to hear it. I held up my hand to stop the words from leaving his mouth.

"I'm not sorry I met her, I'm not sorry that she is my mate, and I'm not sorry about what happened at the hotel. I will never be sorry for anything, not when it comes to her."

Careful not to wake her up, I softly brushed my fingers against her silky cheek, eventually letting my hand coming to a rest on her shoulder, ignoring the hiss Edward emitted. Removing my eyes from her and looking at my son over the bed, I continued: "I am, however, sorry that it had happen the way it did. I have not been acting the way I should have, I have not reacted the way any of you deserve. I should have made my intentions clear from the moment I lay eyes on her and realised who she was to me. But I was a coward, and in my effort to make everybody happy, I have inadvertently caused the heart break I was trying to avoid in the first place. It is not fair that you should be going through your existence alone, Edward, but it is what it is."

He didn't say anything for a long while, just looked at me as though he wanted nothing more than to rip my head from my body.

"How can you say claim to love her, when your eyes are red with her blood?"

I froze.

"You disgust me, _father_." His resentful words yanked me out my shock, and I quickly rose and walked to the mirror in the private bathroom adjoining the hospital room.

Sure enough, swirls of red had crept into the dark gold of my eyes, so small they were almost undetectable to the human eye, and I doubted that any of the hospital staff had noticed anything wrong. Unfortunately, Edward's eyes were not human, and he had spotted the crimson markings without any trouble.

The sight of the visual representation of her blood inside me both appalled and elated me; the warring emotions wreaking havoc on my mind, and I stood frozen in front of the mirror, not able to look away.

Edward hissed sharply at the conflicting feelings in my thoughts, and Isabella started fidgeting at the noise, an uneasy expression marring her sleeping face.

His anger was scaring her, and my first instinct was to run to her side and do whatever I could to alleviate her distress. His answering growl was enough to stop me in my tracks, and I reconsidered my chosen course of action. It would probably not be prudent to agitate him further right now, and it would only serve to upset Bella even more, conscious or not. And I had no wish to put her in any more danger, if his anger and my protectiveness caused a fight to erupt inside her hospital room, with her possibly caught in the middle.

"Alright, Edward, I will leave two alone for a while."

I inwardly cringed at the thought of leaving her alone with him for any amount of time, however, at the moment, it was the most beneficial strategy I could think of. And I wouldn't go far, just far enough that my presence would not provoke him needlessly.

I trusted Alice to tell me if anything went wrong while I was gone.

The sour look on Edward's face alerted me to the fact that he had heard my last thought.

 _Good_. It served both as a way to alleviate my own fears, but also as a warning to him to not do anything that would cause her harm her in my absence.

With a long, pining look at Bella's now relaxed face, and one last cautioning glance at my son, I left the room.

…

It was precisely four hours and thirty-seven minutes later I began making my way back through the hospital to Isabella's room. I had spent most of that time sitting in a waiting room on the other side of the building, staring at the clock on the wall and willing the hands to move faster, ignoring the bustle of the staff, patients, and visitors around me. The agonising wait was, thank heavens, interrupted by a text from Alice, telling me I should go back to her room now.

I frowned as I neared her room, hearing a slight sniffling but nothing else. Stopping outside her door, I stood a moment more, uncertain how to proceed, before I knocked tentatively on the door.

"Come in." Isabella's voice replied hoarsely. I opened the door hesitantly and was greeted by the sight of her bloodshot eyes.

She had been crying.

My heart constricted painfully and I hurriedly closed the door and made my way to her bedside. Edward was nowhere to be seen.

"What's wrong, darling?" I sat down on the bed, careful not to jostle her too much, but also not willing to let the distance between us be any greater than it absolutely had to be.

She took a deep breath and wiped embarrassedly at her wet cheeks with her good hand.

"Edward and I had a fight."

The movements of her hand became somewhat angry, and I caught it in my own before she could harm herself with her merciless rubbing. She relaxed at the feel of my cold skin on hers, and, after hesitating for a few seconds, brought it up to her face to cool down the red marks on her cheeks.

Cradling my hand to her face, she closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, the action causing a small lump in my throat, making it hard to swallow.

"What did you fight about?" I was loath to break the spell, but I was too curious to stop the question from leaving my mouth.

She opened her eyes and looked at me dolefully before answering.

"He wants to leave." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "He thinks it's too dangerous for me to be a part of your world."

I was silent while I thought about how to respond.

"Do you?" I eventually asked, hesitantly, fearing her answer. Although I was certain I knew how she would react to my query, the events of the last couple of days may have caused her to rethink.

"Think that it's too dangerous?" Her eyes widened, and she peered into my face to gauge my feelings on the matter. I carefully kept my expression clear of any emotions, not wanting to influence her answer.

She swallowed and removed my hand from her cheek, but kept it in her own, laying it between both her hands on her lap and grasping it tightly, not breaking eye-contact.

"Are you asking me if I regret getting involved with your family?"

I didn't answer, but my sudden evasion of her gaze told her everything she needed to know.

"Carlisle," she sighed heavily, seeming like she was thinking of a way to respond to my unspoken question, "you know I don't."

My eyes sought hers once again, not able to stay away for long.

"After what happened… I couldn't be sure."

She nodded her head in understanding.

"I wasn't sure either." She confessed. At my surprised expression, she hurriedly continued.

"No, no, you misunderstand, Carlisle. I have never been unsure of whether I wanted you all in my life, however, I wasn't certain if _you_ would want me to be a part of your world anymore. I put you all in danger, after all." Her eyes filled with tears again and she groaned grumpily. "Useless human bodily functions." She smiled wetly and worryingly self-deprecatingly, and my brows furrowed slightly.

"Most of us actually wish we were still able to cry." I confided, hoping it would make her feel better. She was too quick to think herself weak because of her humanity.

"You do?" The doubtful tone of her voice told she didn't really believe me. "Why?"

"Just because we are not capable of crying, does not mean that we sometimes don't want to." I explained patiently. "It can be beyond frustrating, actually, when your eyes prick and hurt, but you are unable to produce the tears that would alleviate the pain."

I cupped her face with the hand that was not currently cradled between hers, and gently wiped away the lone tear that had escaped her eyes with my thumb.

She swallowed thickly, not looking away from my soft gaze, while she nibbled on her lower lip without noticing it.

 _God, I wanted to lean forward and taste her again._

The thought entered my head unbidden, and I unwittingly looked down to her mouth, seeing her releasing the soft tissue from her teeth, and tracking the movements of her tongue as the tip unconsciously went out to wet the slightly reddened and sensitive area.

"Oh. That makes sense." She said quietly, breaking the moment, something I was both thankful and saddened by.

…

 **Oh. My. God. It's been ages, I'm so sorry. I don't know where time went. How are y'all? I've started university (studying English, actually), and time have just flown by. I haven't given up on this story, but I never know when I have the time to actually write and update it. My exams just finished and I had some free time, and thought I would try to get the ball rolling again.**

 **Please let me know if you like the new chapter!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

A long silence followed her statement while I tried to collect my thoughts once again. She still had doubts about her place in our life, doubts I needed to assuage. I placed my hand under her chin and tilted her head so she would have no other place to look but directly into my eyes.

"Don't ever doubt that we want you in our lives. That _I_ want you in my life." I said it with such conviction that she had no choice but to nod her head as much as she could with my hand still forcing her to keep eye-contact.

"The only thing that would ever get me to leave you, would be if that was what you desired. Even then, I probably wouldn't go far. Do you understand, Isabella? I'm not going to leave, not ever, but Edward _is_ right, being near us _is_ putting you in danger. But as long as you find that danger… acceptable, I suppose is the word… nothing could ever remove me from your side."

I was suddenly aware of how close our faces were, only a few inches of empty air between us. I was not willing to widen the distance, but I removed my hand from under her chin, anxiously placing it on her shoulder when I wasn't sure where else to do with it. She didn't say anything and the silence was deafening. I was afraid that I had scared her with the intensity of my gaze and the impassioned delivery of my speech, but she just stared, looking slightly bemused.

"Your eyes are red."

That was not the response I had anticipated, and it threw me off guard for a second.

"Oh, well. Yes." I ineloquently answered her statement, and if I could have blushed I would have.

"Is that because of…" she paused, hesitating to finish her question, "me?"

"Yes."

She slowly reached her uninjured hand up to my face and caressed the skin underneath one of my eyes.

"It's beautiful." She sounded slightly breathless and didn't seem aware that she had said anything at all until my eyebrows shut upwards in surprise and wonder.

"I mean… um." She blinked dazedly, cringing in embarrassment. She was about to remove her hand from my skin, but the thought of it sent a ripple of dread down my spine and I stopped the movement before she could withdraw it completely, holding it securely to my face.

"Please don't." I begged, and closed my eyes in content at the feel of her warm fingers on my icy skin.

"Carlisle, what's happening to me?" She sounded like she was on the verge of crying again, and my eyes flew open at the distress in her voice. Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears, and the sight of it caused my heart to contract painfully in my chest.

"Why do I feel like this? It's not right! Edward is the only one who is supposed to make me feel… He doesn't deserve this. God, I'm so horrible." She was crying earnestly now, and all I could do was take her in my arms, surrounding her with my body and willing the pain she was in to go away.

But _I_ was the one who was causing her pain.

The thought made me freeze. I had done this to her by not leaving when I should have, at the very beginning. But it was too late now, much too late.

"I'm so sorry." If I could have, I would have cried. "So, so sorry."

I rocked her back and forth while she clutched me desperately.

"I should have left, oh God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Bella. I should never have stayed."

She abruptly let go of me, taking all the warmth with her, leaving my body and my soul colder than they had ever felt before.

"Why?"

Her voice sounded impossibly small, and she looked at me with an expression full of hurt.

I could only stare, no words leaving my mouth.

"Tell me, Carlisle!" She demanded, getting angry at my passive, silent state and shaking me out of my daze.

"Because I love you."

The words were barely audible, and I almost wasn't aware that I had uttered them.

The silence following my blunt confession was oppressive in its heaviness, choking me with hope and dread.

"How can you say that you love me when you have a wife? A… _mate_." Her words sounded pained, as if articulating the reasons that I couldn't possibly love her was hurting her physically.

I shook my head slowly in reply, not knowing how else to answer her question, words seeming deficient.

She inhaled sharply at the motion, her eyes widening in surprise.

"But, Esme?"

"Esme is not my mate, sweetheart."

"What? But, you are so perfect together, I thought she was."

"I thought so, too. But then I saw you," I paused for a few seconds, not sure if I should continue, but knowing that it was too late to stop now, "and I knew she wasn't."

She didn't say anything and the silence weighed heavily in the air between us.

"I should have left when I found out who you were to me. I should probably leave right now."

Her eyes filled with hurt once again.

"Why do you keep saying that? Do you not…" she bit her lip uncertainly, "want me?"

I took a deep breath, trying to control the impulse to show her just how much I wanted her, how much I _craved_ her. The monster inside me, the part of me I kept safely locked away most of the time, the part of me that took what it wanted when it wanted, urged me to take her, to _fuck_ her right here in the hospital, to pleasure her until she could think of nothing but me, me, me. To make her scream my name so everyone would know she was mine.

I looked at her with pitch black eyes and her breath became shallow in response, her heart beating harder and faster. She licked her lips unconsciously and I groaned loudly, slowly but surely losing control of myself.

"You've got to stop doing that." Even as I said it I was aware that I hoped that she never did. She swallowed loudly and removed her tongue from her lips, and I immediately wanted to retract my words, cursing my idiocy.

I breathed in deeply, nuzzling her neck with my nose, letting her delectable scent soothe my frayed emotions. Now was not the time to lose control.

Shuffling us around, being careful not to bump her injured leg, I arranged our bodies so she was sitting on top of me in the upright hospital bed, her back to my chest. My hands tightened around her instinctually, pressing her into me, and I felt her melt into my body.

She put her hands on top of mine as they grasped tightly onto her stomach, and lifting my left hand so we could both see it, she slowly fingered the wedding ring situated on my ring finger.

"She may not be your mate, but she's still your wife." Her tone sounded desolate, and I suddenly wished I had never met Esme, a horribly selfish and awful thought.

"Yes." I hadn't needed to say it, the evidence of my marriage to another woman all too clear, but I couldn't bear the heavy silence any longer.

A silence that continued.

"Is that why you didn't act on the… ?" She wasn't sure how to finish her question.

"The mating bond?"

She nodded her head slowly.

"Among other things." I answered carefully. "There were other reasons."

"Such as?"

"I didn't want Edward to lose something so wonderful because of my selfishness."

"You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, Carlisle. I don't think it is something you permit yourself to be very often."

"When it comes to you, I have been nothing but selfish." I disagreed. "Neither Edward nor Esme would have been able to stop me from pursuing you. For a few short moments in that hospital room in Forks, I was fully prepared to disregard the feelings of them both, to take what I wanted."

"Why didn't you?"

"I realised you were already in love with Edward." The words conjured up the memory of that first horrifying realisation that she loved someone else, and my dead heart jumped painfully in my chest. Sometimes the perfect memory of a vampire was more a curse than a blessing, the feelings of loss and heartbreak all too easy to remember.

Her heart skipped a beat, as if it had felt an echo of the pain in mine. She tightened her hands around my own, quieting the raging emotions in my mind.

"But I still couldn't get myself to leave you. Especially…" I tapered off, not really wanting to finish my sentence, and she turned her head and looked at me with curiosity when I didn't continue.

"I didn't like the way he treated you." I carefully avoided looking at her, not wanting to see her response, choosing instead to look straight ahead. Not even her sharp intake of breath made me look down again.

"What do you mean?" Her voice sounded incredulous, and her shoulders tensed against my chest.

I didn't know how to voice my concerns, how to make her understand just how wrongly he had acted when it came to her.

All those little things, like not letting her drive anywhere, instead picking her up in his own car or simply forcing her to sit in the passenger seat as he drove hers, not letting her _go_ anywhere unless he was with her. And the bigger things; the way he decided when and how much she slept and ate, not caring what she wanted. And worst of all, in my mind, coming into her room at night when she hadn't given him consent to do so.

The way he slowly changed her from an independent and strong woman to someone meek and subservient, until he controlled almost every single aspect of her life.

And yet, I had never acted on the uneasiness I had felt, just watched and done nothing to reign him in, to make him understand that he was wrong.

The disappointment I felt in myself was almost overwhelming, and I couldn't help but wonder if I had done it on purpose. If I had let him do it because I, somewhere deep in my mind, had hoped that it would eventually drive her away from him.

I looked down at her again, catching her eye and wanting her to see just how serious I was.

"He was… _is_ …controlling, Bella."

She stopped breathing for a few seconds, then let it all go in big woosh. Emotion swirled in her dark brown eyes; pain, heartache, and finally, acceptance.

"Yes."

A pensive silence followed her admission.

"It wasn't that bad in the beginning, but then…" She paused, and I used my thumb to smooth out the crease between her eyes. "I don't know, it wasn't like the change suddenly occurred overnight, which is probably why I didn't really notice it. Although…" She stopped talking again, looking at me uncertainly with an anxious look on her face.

"Although?" I prompted anxiously when she didn't continue.

She bit her lip warily, looking at me as if she was concerned about my reaction if she finished her train of thought, and I looked at her imploringly, begging her to tell me.

"I think he might have been dazzling me."

 **Hey! Just a quick heads-up: I've begun re-doing the first 19 chapters. While nothing drastically changes (as of writing this, at least), they are going to be longer, more detailed, and hopefully more believable (or as believable as a story about vampires can be) ;). Some parts will be deleted completely, others will be expanded, all in an effort to make the entire story more homogenous. I might even merge a few chapter if I feel it will be better that way, and will possibly add a few more scenes into the already existing storyline. You don't have to read it all again if you don't want to, but I just wanted to let you know. I'm not sure when I'll be done with them all, I've edited the first three, however, I'm going back to university today and I will most likely be a bit overworked here in the beginning of the new term.**

 **Hope you're all well!** **J**


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